The Saskatchewan DADA Professor
by aethre
Summary: A Canadian witch is the new DADA Professor. Her goal for her stay at Hogwarts seems to be turning the school upside down. So, what happens when she befriends Severus Snape and Sinistra? And Severus and Sinistra hate each other. SSOC
1. The Canadian Witch

Stupid space thing. I suck at summaries, and the stupid limit on the space you use always screws me up. Here is the actual version:  
  
A Canadian witch is the new DADA Professor. Her style of teaching has never before been seen in Hogwarts. Her methods are questionable. And, there is also a strange suspicion that she is insane. So, what happens when she befriends Severus Snape and Sinistra?? And Severus and Sinistra hate each other. Poor Severus might lose the only friend he has. Well, asides Albus Dumbledore. And Severus' only argument against the stealing the only friend away thing is: "I saw her first." SS/OC  
  
A/N: Hello!!! This is my first Harry Potter FanFic ^^ Er. I can't think of anything to say. Dumb me ^^ Oh well, Disclaimer time!!  
  
DISCLAIMER: I own none of this. I don't even own the Canadian witch. Now that I have posted this on FanFiction.Net, they own it. Not fair.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
Severus Snape strode into the Leaky Cauldron, black robes billowing around him. A few heads looked up briefly, then went back to their food. Severus calmly took a table at the back of the room. He spread today's copy of the Daily Prophet out on the table. The front page headline screamed YOU-KNOW- WHO SIGHTED NEAR LONDON! Below the headline was a blurry photo of Lord Voldemort. Severus snorted softly and ignored that article. He knew more about Voldemort than that reporter did.  
  
The door opened, but Severus paid no attention. When he heard the noise get slightly louder, he glanced up. The person, or rather woman, who walked in was wearing Muggle clothes. Severus didn't know what was so interesting about that until he saw the wand hanging from her belt and the two geese standing beside her. Severus shrugged and turned back to his paper. There are odd folk in the Wizarding World; he didn't know why anyone would care about a witch dressed as a Muggle with two pet geese.  
  
"Sir, after you are done with that paper, may I borrow it?" Severus looked up. It was that witch with the geese.  
  
"Why don't you buy your own? There are copies available here," Severus asked, curious.  
  
"I'm flat out broke. I don't even have two knuts to rub together," the witch said with a wry grin.  
  
"Why don't you get a job?" Severus asked.  
  
"What do you think I want the paper for? To read? No, I am going to look in the classified section and find a job," she said.  
  
"I see," Severus said, then flicked the paper around so it was facing her.  
  
"Thanks," the witch said, flipping through the pages to the classified section. When she got there she swiftly began to read, "nope. Stupid. Too low pay. Ewwww, plants!" she murmured, "Ah, here we are, Defence Against the Dark Arts professor. Decent pay, this will do."  
  
"Do you know that that job is considered cursed?" Severus asked her thinking, 'Merlin, she's going for the Defence Against the Dark Arts job!'  
  
"It is? Cool, all the more fun!" she said.  
  
"What country are you from? It has been many years since Hogwarts had a Defence Against the Dark Arts professor last more than one year," Severus informed her.  
  
"In answer for your question, I am from Canada. And I don't care how long other Defence Against the Dark Arts professors lasted for. I don't see how it affects me. Maybe they were all idiots. Or maybe the 'curse' only affects English Witches and Wizards. I'm Canadian."  
  
Severus moaned in his head. Dumbledore will hire her. She's cheerful and optimistic! "Actually, one was a follower of Voldemort and was being controlled by him, one was Lockhart," at that the Canadian Witch shuddered, "and he IS an idiot. Then there was a Werewolf, "Severus had to stop because his companion was laughing.  
  
"You're joking! A WEREWOLF teaching Defence Against the Dark Arts? Irony!" she laughed.  
  
"I'm not joking. The most recent Defence Against the Dark Arts professor was a Death Eater," Severus summed it up.  
  
"Well, I am not a Death Eater, an idiot or a Werewolf. I'll be fine," she replied.  
  
"What's your name?" Severus asked, sick of calling her 'the Canadian Witch' in his head.  
  
"René Remfair," she told him and held out her hand.  
  
"Professor Severus Snape," Severus emphasized 'Professor' so René would call him Professor or Professor Snape. He shook her pro-offered hand.  
  
"Would you mind if I sat here? I hafta fix my résumé to suit the Defence Against the Dark Arts job," René asked.  
  
"I don't mind," Severus said and René sat down.  
  
"Oh, by the way, she is Kokanee," René pointed to the goose on her left," and he is Molson," she pointed to the goose on the right, "They are Canadian Geese."  
  
"Anything ELSE you have that deals with Canada?" Severus asked sarcastically.  
  
"Why yes, they are named after two beer companies from Canada," Severus stared at her, she named these geese after BEER companies?  
  
"I take it you like beer," Severus remarked.  
  
"Nope. Beer is gross," René mad a face, "I just like the Molson Canadian commercials and I have been to Kokanee B.C. My wand also deals with Canada.  
  
"Really," Severus drawled sarcastically.  
  
"Yeah. 12 inches, maple, Roc feather," René grinned.  
  
"What does all of THAT have to do with Canada?" Severus asked, 'I think it is safe to say that she is insane.'  
  
"Hullo! The maple tree is Canada's, er, whaddaya call it? I don't remember. Well a maple leaf is on the flag. Yeah," René trailed off.  
  
"You mean that the maple tree is Canada's National Tree," Severus told her.  
  
"Yah! That's it!" René said then turned back to her résumé. She pulled out a pen from her purse and her wand from her belt. She started taping the paper and writing down information.  
  
"Why is it so bloody dark in here?" René muttered to nobody.  
  
"Lumos," Severus said and held his wand over her paper.  
  
"Thanks. I would do that myself, but I need my wand to change crap around," René said looking up at Severus. He swiftly took in her appearance. Slightly curly dark brown hair, brown eyes, slightly tanned with a light dusting of freckles across her nose and under her eyes. René also used the light from Severus' wand to examine him. Longish black hair, black eyes. Damn. I always fall for the tall, dark and handsome. Well, he's got the tall and dark part down, but the handsome?? He has greasy black hair, yellowish skin. Well, I will defiantly not fall for him. Unless he is reeeeaaaly nice.  
  
"I like England. English accents are so cool and sexy," René said, then her eyes widened, 'why the hell did I just say that?'  
  
"I would like to know that too," Severus said, amused.  
  
"Um, could you repeat everything I said before?" René asked, her cheeks turning quite red.  
  
"You said: I like England. English accents are cool and sexy. Why the hell did I just say that?" Severus repeated.  
  
"Damn. I was hoping that I never said the English accent thing aloud," René moaned.  
  
"What English accent thing?" Severus said, his face a mask of confusion, but his eyes laughed.  
  
"Thanks," René said, turning more of a normal colour.  
  
'Why am I being nice to her? If she was ANYONE other than Voldemort, Death Eaters above me or Dumbledore, she'd be running in fright. But I was JOKING with her! All I know about her is that she is Canadian, has pet geese, wears Muggle clothes, her wand and that she says things without thinking. Merlin, am I under Imperious?'  
  
"Done. Couldya proof it for me?" René asked.  
  
"Sure," Severus wanted to know about her, and the résumé seemed like a good choice. He read it over, finding only a few mistakes. He handed it back to her.  
  
"Thanks a lot Professor Snape. Now I just gotta get outside and mail this," René smiled brightly at Severus.  
  
"Don't go to Muggle London. Someone with an owl, two geese and a stick stands out really well. You'll get quite a few stares," Severus advised.  
  
"I seem to collect lots of stares in the wizarding world as well," René said inclining her head at the most of the population in the Leaky Cauldron.  
  
"That's because you are sitting with me, having a conversation that doesn't involve insults and not running away in tears," Severus dryly stated.  
  
"Bad reputation, huh?" René grinned.  
  
"Depends on how you look at it," Severus smiled lightly.  
  
"Ya like being by yourself, eh?" René said. Severus nodded, "Sorry about bothering you then, you were the only one with a paper."  
  
"It's all right. I would rather be interrupted and knowing the new Defence Against the Dark Arts professor than waiting for Dumbledore to tell us. That man really likes to tease everyone," Severus shook his head.  
  
"You know Dumbledore?" René asked.  
  
"Of course. I am a pretty good friend of his," Severus said.  
  
"Whoa, could you put a good word in for me?" René said, quite surprised.  
  
"As far as I know, you are the only one to apply for that job. If you actually know anything about the Dark Arts, you'll be fine," Severus said.  
  
"Sounds cool. Where could I go to mail this?" René said, holding up her résumé.  
  
"How about you give it to him in person?" Severus asked.  
  
"Sounds cool," René said, "How will we get to Hogwarts? I know you can't Apparate."  
  
"Correct. I don't have any Floo powder, and I am assuming that you don't have any either," René nodded, "so we'll go by The Knight Bus."  
  
"Oh God! The North American one makes me sick!" René moaned.  
  
"Do you have any other idea?" Severus growled.  
  
"Um, no. Damn," René groaned.  
  
"Well then, that's our only option," Severus smirked.  
  
"If I throw up on you, it's your fault!" René snarled.  
  
"Well then, I advise you eat now and skip supper," Severus smirked, 'oh, it is sooo fun annoying people!'  
  
"Mmmmm. Lunch would be nice. hint, hint," René smiled weakly.  
  
"You owe me," Severus replied with a sigh. He signalled for a waitress.  
  
"What would you like today, Professor?" the waitress with no name asked.  
  
"The usual," Severus replied.  
  
"And you, miss?" the waitress looked at René  
  
"Whatever he is having," Rene said with a shrug.  
  
"All right," the waitress left to get their food.  
  
"What's the date?" René asked Severus.  
  
"August 22nd, why?" Severus responded.  
  
"Mom insists on me mailing her once every week. Time to write another letter filled with lies," René sighed. She grabbed a napkin and scrawled on it, Dear Mom, I am doing really well here in England. There is this great job in the Daily Prophet and I am going to try and get it. It's much better than my other job as a waitress at the Leaky Cauldron. Yours Truly, René.  
  
"It isn't good to lie to mothers. They tend to find out, then," Severus dragged a finger across his throat.  
  
"Too true. I hope to get the Defence Against the Dark Arts job before they want to visit me," René said unhappily.  
  
"Here's your food," the waitress had returned and handed Severus and René their lunch. René didn't even look at it. She just began to eat it as if she hadn't eaten for a week. Then again, she was broke.  
  
"Slow down, you'll get sick," Severus said. René stopped eating for a second, looked up and said,  
  
"You can put your wand out now," she went back to eating, if you could call it that. Severus stared at her, then looked at his wand.  
  
"Nox."  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Where's a good place I can mail this?" René held up her napkin/letter.  
  
"Over here. You'll need an owl," Severus said and walked towards an owlery.  
  
"What the hell would I need an owl for?" René asked.  
  
"To mail your letter," Severus turned and stared at her.  
  
"Um, that's what Kokanee and Molson are for," René stared back at Severus.  
  
"Why do geese deliver mail?" Severus asked, amazed.  
  
"Better than owls," René glared at him.  
  
"Why?" Severus asked sarcastically.  
  
"They ain't nocturnal," René stated.  
  
"Okay then. This is a stupid argument," Severus said.  
  
"Yah tellin' me?" René smiled.  
  
"Lets just mail your. letter," Severus said.  
  
"Right," René turned and walked in the owlery. Owls hooted and the two geese hissed back.  
  
"Oh, shut up both of you," René said annoyed and picked up Molson. Kokanee honked, "I can only carry one of you at a time. Go bother him," René jabbed her finger in Severus' direction. Kokanee walked over to Severus and honked.  
  
"She wants you to pick her up and carry her," René explained.  
  
"I guessed as much," Severus bent down and picked up the goose. Kokanee honked happily.  
  
"Lazy little bugger," Severus glared at Kokanee. Kokanee bit his nose.  
  
"Owwww!!"  
  
René ignored Severus and tied her note to Molson's leg. She threw him out a hole designed for large owls. Molson honked because he managed to get himself stuck.  
  
"Stupid goose! Lose some weight!" René shouted, then magically made the hole wider so he could get through. He flew off in a western direction. René turned around and saw that Kokanee was now sitting on Severus head and biting his hands whenever he tried to pick her up.  
  
"Nice hat," René stifled giggles.  
  
"Get that stupid bugger off of me!" Severus growled, shaking his head.  
  
"Nah. I think it looks cute," René grinned. Severus glared at her.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
Severus held up his wand and the Knight Bus landed with a bang.  
  
"Where to?" Ernie asked.  
  
"Hogwarts," Severus stated and took a bed near the back. René followed him. The Knight Bus took off and René fell on her ass.  
  
"I think I'm going to be sick," René moaned, then promptly threw up on Severus. Kokanee's honking sounded remarkably like laughter.  
  
"Shut up," René and Severus said at the same time. René threw up again.  
  
"Take this," Severus handed her a potion. She promptly swallowed it. The potion burned out the taste of puke and settled René's stomach. It also knocked her out.  
  
"I love that side-effect," Severus said as he stopped René from cracking her head against a bed. He picked her up and put her in a bed. Kokanee hissed at Severus and fell asleep on René stomach. Severus laid down on a bed of his own.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Hogwarts!" Ernie called out. Severus sighed and looked at René. She was still asleep.  
  
"Wake up. We're at Hogwarts," Severus nudged René.  
  
"Give me five more minutes," René moaned.  
  
"No," Severus smacked her arm.  
  
"Was that compeletly necessary?" René yelled.  
  
"Yes. Come on. We're at Hogwarts," Severus growled.  
  
"I'm coming, I'm coming," René sat up and Kokanee fell with a honk to the floor. René picked her up. She and Severus walked to the front of the bus. Once again, Severus paid.  
  
"You owe me so much," Severus growled as he walked off the bus after her. But René wasn't listening.  
  
"Holy shit!" René breathed, staring at Hogwarts. Kokanee honked her agreement. The Knight Bus took off.  
  
"Welcome to Hogwarts."  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
A/N: Well, that's chapter one!!! Chapters 1-6 and part of 7 are written out on paper. I don't know when I'll update next. I'll try to make it quick, but it took me about two weeks to type out chapter one. I'll try to be quick!!!!!!!! I'll tryyyyyyyyyyy.  
  
*Swirls with a swish of her robes and disappears*  
  
Mage Kitty ^^ 


	2. Welcome to Hogwarts

A/N: Here is chapter two!!! I am handing this in for Creative Writing. My teacher is cool!! Handing in FanFiction for marks. And she knows it is FanFiction. Hehehe. Life made easy. Also, if you read the first chapter right after it came out, I had some errors.  
  
1. René thinks 'Well, I will defiantly not fall for him' about Severus, not 'Well, I will defiantly fall for him.'  
  
2. It is August 22nd now, not August 18th  
  
I think that is all.  
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own. JKR owns all the Harry Potter crap and FanFiction.Net owns the rest. Pooey.  
  
WHAT HAPPENED LAST CHAPPY: René met Severus and sent a letter with Molson to her mother. She threw up on Severus and he fed her a potion that knocked her out. They have just arrived at Hogwarts.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig," René whispered, her brown eyes wide. Severus stalked forward, then turned around.  
  
"Are you coming, or are you going to stare at the exterior of the castle all day? The interior is far more interesting," Severus said. René didn't appear to hear him. Severus sighed, grabbed her arm and dragged her towards the front entrance.  
  
"Are you going to walk on your own?" Severus asked after walking through the castle for a while. He let go of her arm. She walked up to a particularly violent suit of armour and banged on its helmet.  
  
"YAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!" René yelled as Severus tackled her, sending them sprawling across the floor. René yelled louder when the suit of armour started clanking towards them. She stopped screaming and tried to reach for her wand.  
  
"Crap! Crap! Crap!" René moaned. Severus was lying on top of her and she couldn't reach her wand. René looked around and saw Severus' wand lying near her head. She grabbed it and shouted, "Stupefy!" The suit of armour froze in mid step.  
  
"Well, that was fun," Severus said, his breath tickling her ear.  
  
"Very. It was the most fun I've had in days," René said, both sarcastic and earnest.  
  
"Severus Snape!" a voice said from the door. Severus looked up.  
  
"Hello Minerva," Severus said.  
  
"What's up? Asides from Professor Snape. Well, from my vantage point," René smiled.  
  
"What are you doing?" Minerva McGonagall asked.  
  
"Waiting for Professor Snape to get off of me," René said, then added, "hint, hint."  
  
"Oops. Sorry," Severus rolled off of her and stood up. René lay on the floor with one hand up.  
  
"What do you want?" Severus asked.  
  
"Hullo! Help me up!" René said, annoyed. Severus grabbed her hand and pulled her onto her feet, "Thank you."  
  
Minerva had watched the exchange without saying anything. Now she said, "Severus, and. your friend. Come with me!"  
  
"My name's René Remfair. You know him?" René pointed to Severus.  
  
"Yes. He, uh, comes here often," Minerva said, catching Severus' look. Obviously René doesn't know about Severus working here.  
  
"Okay Days," René said, "Here's your wand," René handed Severus his wand.  
  
"Thank you," Severus said to René.  
  
"Both of you! Stop stalling!" Minerva commanded and marched out of the room. Severus and René followed her out. The marched through the castle without any problems. Well, asides from René talking to every portrait they come across, stepping in the fake step, running into walls.  
  
"Ooooooh! Bookshelf!" René reached up to pull out a book. The bookshelf spun around leaving René in a dark passageway.  
  
"Help! Help! I'm trapped! The world's coming to an end! Heeeeeeeeelp!" René yelled  
  
Severus walked over to Minerva and said, "And she wants to become the new Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor."  
  
Minerva, uncharacteristically, swore, "Hell! Fuck! Damn! Motherfucka! Shit! Bull-Crap!"  
  
"My thoughts exactly," Severus said. Suddenly, the noise from behind the bookshelf stopped.  
  
"Now what's wrong with her?" Minerva wondered. Then there was a moan.  
  
"Damnit. Where the hell am I?" René moaned, "Lumos!"  
  
René looked around. 'hmmmm. That's wood, so.'  
  
"Éclatez !" René yelled, her wand pointing at the 'bookshelf.' The 'bookshelf' exploded. René walked out through the dust melodramatically.  
  
"Where the hell am I?" René asked again.  
  
"Hogwarts. Don't you remember?" Severus asked.  
  
"The last thing I remember is drinking that potion you gave me," René said.  
  
"Oh yeah! I remember the other side-effect now! Stupidity!" Severus smirked, thinking about everything René had done under the effects of the potion.  
  
"What do you mean?" René asked.  
  
"Ever since I woke you up, you were acting like an idiot. I'm not sure if you were acting, though. Maybe it is just how you are normally. You won't remember any of it. I wonder why you had the sense to stun that suit of armour, though," Severus pondered.  
  
"I sorta remember something about not reaching my wand, a suit of armour and you on top of me," René said.  
  
"Oh, who cares? Let's just go to Dumbledore's office," Minerva stated.  
  
"What for?" René asked, "Oh yeah, résumé."  
  
"Actually, she believes that. something, other than the suit of armour, happened when I was laying on top of you," Severus told her, his sallow skin turning more of a normal shade. Which meant that he was most likely blushing a bit.  
  
"Oh," René said, "I would, too. Except I would start to sing 'René and Severus, sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love! Then comes marriage! Then comes a baby in the baby carriage!'"  
  
"Very mature," Severus raised his eyebrows, bristling slightly at the use of his first name.  
  
"Thank-you!" René chirped.  
  
"I don't think the potion wore off yet," Severus said.  
  
"Bastard," René said, "oops, sorry."  
  
"No problem. I get that a lot," Severus said.  
  
"Then I guess we are two of a kind. I get called a bitch lots," René smiled.  
  
"Right," Severus said.  
  
"We're here," Minerva said, "Lemon Ice-Cubes."  
  
"What the hell?!?" René said.  
  
"The password. I think he ran out of candy," Severus said.  
  
"Ooooookay then," René said, amused. The two witches and the wizard walked up the stairs.  
  
"Professor Dumbledore?" Minerva called at the door.  
  
"Come in, Minerva," a voice said. Minerva, René and Severus walked in.  
  
"Ah, Severus. How are you?" Albus Dumbledore asked.  
  
"Fine. Sort of," Severus said.  
  
"No thanks to me, eh?" René grinned.  
  
"Yes," Severus said.  
  
"And you are?" Albus asked.  
  
"René Remfair. I am applying for the Defence Against the Dark Arts job," René said, holding out her hand. Albus shook it, eyes twinkling.  
  
"And where did you meet your companions?" Albus asked.  
  
"Professor Snape took me to Hogwarts and lent me his paper, which led to me finding the ad for the job. The-person-who's-name-I-don't-know-and-I-am- assuming-it's-Minerva ran into us she Professor Snape was laying on top of me. I think she thinks that Professor Snape was screwing me, or something," René said, then noticing Minerva's pale face, Severus' glare and Albus' silent laughter she added, "What?"  
  
"Nice choice of words," Severus growled.  
  
"Why thank-you. I don't see anything wrong with them or anything," René said.  
  
"I was screwing you. Yes, great language," Severus hissed.  
  
"Mih. You've all, except Professor Dumbledore, have heard me swear already. screwing isn't a swear, anyways," René said.  
  
"I take it you weren't screwing Miss Remfair, then," Albus said to Severus.  
  
"Call me René," René said.  
  
"Correct. She was banging on the helmet of the most violent suit of armour we have. I tackled her so she wouldn't get killed. She then stunned it. With the side-effects from 'No-Nausea' potion if effect," Severus said.  
  
"Quite remarkable René," Albus said, "You've got the job."  
  
René, Severus and Minerva stared at him.  
  
"Um, thanks?" René said.  
  
"You're crazy!" Minerva burst out.  
  
"She's our only option. We never get more than one applicant for the Defence Against the Dark Arts job a year, if we're lucky," Albus said, 'besides Severus needs a friend. If he brought her here and saved her life, he's got to like her!'  
  
"Would it be too much to ask for an advance payment? I'm broke. This is all I got," René held up one Knut.  
  
"Of course René," Albus handed her a bag of money. Severus grabbed it.  
  
"You owe me two Galleons," Severus explained and grabbed the money.  
  
"Bastard," René growled.  
  
"Bitch," Severus said blandly.  
  
"Jackass."  
  
"Slut."  
  
"Asshole."  
  
"Whore."  
  
"Son of a Bitch."  
  
"Prostitute."  
  
"Motherfucka."  
  
"SHUT UP!" Minerva yelled.  
  
"Someone doesn't like swears and insults," René stage-whispered to Severus. Severus and Albus smiled.  
  
"Try on the Sorting Hat. I want to see what house you would be in," Severus said, 'I bet she will be in Ravenclaw. Please don't be Gryffindor! Slytherin, Slytherin! Why do I care? Oh well, SLYTHERIN!'  
  
"Good idea Severus," Dumbledore said, "Accio Sorting Hat! Try this on."  
  
"Okay then," René said and put on the hat.  
  
"Hmm. A risky person-"  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! VOICES!!!!" René yelled, "Oh, wait this reminds me of a song. 'I'm paranoid! Looking over my back! It's like a whirlwind inside of my head! It's like the face inside.' Oops. Doesn't relate. Okay, I feel like Joan of Arc then!!!!"  
  
"Just let yourself be sorted!" Severus said.  
  
"Whateva," René shrugged.  
  
"As I was saying; A risky personality. A willingness to help. Courage. Clever, very clever. A very Slytherin-ish outlook on life. Unafraid to use the Dark Arts. Hmm. A mixture between Slytherin and Gryffindor. Quite like Rowena Ravenclaw. Nobody knew who she really liked, Salazar Slytherin or Godric Gryffindor. Always stood in the middle. A peace- keeper-"  
  
"Yah! That works! I'm Canadian!" René interrupted.  
  
"Yes, yes, we all know that you are Canadian, that your geese are Canadian Geese, that you named them after beer companies from Canada, and that your wand is made out of maple and that Canadian's are peace-keepers," Severus yelled.  
  
"Sorry," René said sarcastically.  
  
"I must say, although you have many Slytherin qualities," Severus smirked, "you belong in RAVENCLAW!!"  
  
"YES!" Severus yelled.  
  
"Um, Severus. Why are you happy that she is in Ravenclwa. Your house is Slytherin," Minerva said.  
  
"I guessed that she would be in Ravenclaw," Severus shrugged, "good guess, huh?"  
  
"What do you mean by Professor Snape being in Slytherin?" René asked.  
  
"Severus is the Head of the House of Slytherin," Albus explained. At René's confused look he added, "He is the Potion's Master at Hogwarts. He works here."  
  
"Why the hell didn't you tell me that?" René yelled at Severus.  
  
"You never asked," Severus shrugged.  
  
"No, I did ask. I asked how you know Professor Dumbledore. You said that you are his friend. Liar, liar, pants on fire." René stood there looking dumb for a few seconds, "I forgot the rest."  
  
"It's a half-truth, not a lie," Severus smiled smugly.  
  
"That would be a Slytherin quality," Minerva said.  
  
"Stupid Slytherin," René grumbled. Severus grinned.  
  
"Severus, why don't you take René to Diagon Alley and help her get her stuff," Albus said. There was only one answer.  
  
"Yes, Albus," Severus sighed.  
  
"As long as we don't take the Knight Bus!" René said.  
  
"You'll take Floo Powder," Albus said. Both René and Severus looked relieved, "Only if you tell me why you don't want to take the Knight Bus."  
  
"I get sick on it. We got here by the Knight Bus and I threw up on Professor Snape. Twice!" René grinned. Albus started to laugh.  
  
"That's not funny!" Severus said, blushing slightly. Kokanee flew up and used Severus' head as a perch again.  
  
"Good Kokanee. Nice Kokanee. Stay Kokanee," René grinned.  
  
"René, get your duck off my head," Severus growled. Kokanee bent her long neck down and jabbed the middle of Severus' forehead.  
  
"She's not a duck. She's a Canadian Goose," René said, her eyes narrow.  
  
"Owwwwwwwww!!!! BLOODY BIRD!!" Severus yelled.  
  
"An odd name for a goose," Minerva said.  
  
"She's named after a Canadian beer company. I've got another one named Molson, also a Canadian beer company," René smiled.  
  
"Okay, that's it! Let's go to Diagon Alley. NOW!" Severus yelled.  
  
"Okay!" René took some Floo Powder from Dumbledore and threw it into the fire.  
  
"DIAGON ALLEY!"  
  
"I take it I have to bring the goose," Severus grumbled and also took some Floo Powder.  
  
"DIAGON ALLEY!" Severus shouted with Kokanee still on his head.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Are you done, yet?" Severus said, carrying all of her bags. The way they looked, people are probably thinking that René is the bossy, shopping crazy girlfriend and Sverus is the unable-to-ay-no-boyfriend.  
  
"Almost," was René's absentminded reply.  
  
"You said that one hour ago!" Severus yelled. René ignored him.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Hey, isn't that Professor Snape?" Fred and George Weasley said simultaneously.  
  
"Yah, I guess so, we both thought the same thing," Fred said.  
  
"We've gotta get a picture of this!" George waves an arm in Severus' direction.  
  
"All covered," Fred picked up a conveniently placed camera. The Weasley twins silently followed their ex-professor. They got some pictures and decided to sell them to Rita Skeeter.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
Mage Kitty: For your info, Rita Skeeter escaped.  
  
Wicca_Gurl: I swear, you really like excuses.  
  
Mage Kitty: Sooorrryyy. I suck at names.  
  
Wicca_Gurl: Oh, just play the irrelevant prologue.  
  
Mage Kitty: Flashback.  
  
Wicca_Gurl: Irrelevant prologue.  
  
Fred and Mage Kitty: Flashback.  
  
George and Wicca_Gurl: Irrelevant prologue.  
  
Fred and Mage Kitty: Flashback.  
  
George and Wicca_Gurl: Irrelevant prologue.  
  
René and Severus: SHUT UP AND GET ON WITH IT!!!  
  
George, Fred, Wicca_Gurl and Mage Kitty: FINE!!!  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
Mrs. Granger was looking at a green bug in a glass jar.  
  
"What an ugly bug!" Mrs. Granger exclaimed, then undid the lid and threw the bug out the window. Hermione walks in.  
  
"Mom, have you seen a green bug in a jar?" Hermione asked.  
  
"Why? Is it important?" Mrs. Granger asked.  
  
"Yes! VERY!!" Hermione yelled.  
  
"Oh, sorry dear. I threw it out the window," Mrs. Granger didn't look sorry.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
"HOGWARTS! SEVERUS SNAPE'S OFFICE!" Severus yelled, carrying all the bags. He disappeared.  
  
"HOGWARTS! SEVERUS SNAPE'S OFFICE!" René yelled, following him. She appeared in an office decorated with the colours green and silver. Severus was laying on a couch with his eye's closed. He looked asleep.  
  
"Hullo Professor Snappy, Snappy, Snappy! Snake, Snake, Snake! Snap, Snap, Snap, Snap! Moo, Moo, Moo," René chirped annoyingly. She had been doing this for the entire time at Diagon Alley.  
  
"That's it! You can call me Severus. HAPPY???" Severus yelled. I guess he wasn't asleep.  
  
"Okay Days!" René chirped then levitated all of her bags, "Where's my room?"  
  
Severus moaned and got up. He walked out the door and led her through the castle.  
  
"Here is your room," Severus sighed.  
  
"What's the password?" René asked, looking at the portrait of a purple Dragon.  
  
"Chocolate Milk," Severus said and the portrait slide aside.  
  
"Can I change the password?" René asked.  
  
"Yes. Just give the Dragon the old password and request to change it," Severus turned and walked away.  
  
"Chocolate Milk. Can I change the password?" Rene asked the Dragon.  
  
"What would you like the new password to be?" the Dragon asked.  
  
"Linkin Park rocks," René said.  
  
"Password changed," the Dragon said, then slide aside. René walking into the room. She dropped all of the bags and flopped down on the bed. She closed her eyes and fell asleep. Kokanee slept on her stomach again.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
A/N: Well, that's it.  
  
Crimson_Dragoness gets credit for the bookcase thing. The rest of it was made by me and my three muses.  
  
I don't know when Chapter Three is coming up because I have a band trip coming up in about 3 days and a LOT of homework. Well, I'll be back!!  
  
*Disappears in a swirl of blue fire."  
  
Mage Kitty ^^ 


	3. Vattlesbottem

A/N: And here is the third part of my crappy story!!! I have now read OOTP and I have to change a few things. Nothing important, but still.  
  
DISCLAIMER: I did this once already. No, twice now. Whatever, just read.  
  
LAST CHAPTER:  
  
"Can I change the password?" René asked.  
  
"Yes. Just give the Dragon the old password and request to change it," Severus turned and walked away.  
  
"Chocolate Milk. Can I change the password?" Rene asked the Dragon.  
  
"What would you like the new password to be?" the Dragon asked.  
  
"Linkin Park rocks," René said.  
  
"Password changed," the Dragon said, then slide aside. René walking into the room. She dropped all of the bags and flopped down on the bed. She closed her eyes and fell asleep. Kokanee slept on her stomach again.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
René yawned and stretched our on her bed. It had been five days since she arrived at Hogwarts and Molson hasn't returned. She was getting quite worried. René rolled out of bed and staggered into her bathroom. She turned on the bathtub and added some scent-less bubbles. She tiredly slipped out of the shirt and shorts she wore as pajamas and slide into the warm water with a sigh. René heard a honk from outside of the bathroom, so she lazily picked up her wand and opened the door. Kokanee waddled in and the door shut behind her. The Canadian Goose flew up and splashed happily into the tub. The witch and her familiar happily bathed.  
  
René stepped out of the tub and magicked herself dry. She put on a dark green robe with gold stitching. She grabbed a gold chain with a golden sun charm on it. She added gold earrings, gold nail polish and green eye shadow. She stuck a ton of moose in her hair. Otherwise she would look like an older version of Hermione Granger. She then pulled her hair back in a low, messy ponytail with some strands of hair floating around loose. She snapped her fingers and Kokanee hopped out of the tub and it began to drain. Kokanee looked at her mistress in a way that clearly meant that she wanted to be dried off.  
  
"You are so spoiled," René grumbled, then pointed her wand at Kokanee, "séchez mon oie!"  
  
"Honk!" Kokanee said happily, now completely dry.  
  
"Come. Let's go get some breakfast," René said and walked out of her rooms to the Staff Room.  
  
"Good morning René" Albus said.  
  
"You too, Albus," René smiled.  
  
"I am guessing that he is yours?" Albus pointed to another Canadian Goose.  
  
"Molson!" René cried out and ran over to her goose, "Where have you been?" Molson honked apologetically. René untied the note from around his led.  
  
'Dear René. I hope you get that job. Please com and visit us ASAP. Love, Mom and Dad.'  
  
"Short," René said looking confused.  
  
"Your mother usually writes feet?" Severus had walked into the Staff Room.  
  
"Yeah. Wait, this is Times New Roman. Dad must have sent me this," René said.  
  
"Times New what?" Severus asked.  
  
"Times New Roman. It's a typing font. My mom uses Arial and I use Tempus Sans ITC," René said.  
  
"Okay then," was Severus' reply.  
  
"I'll show you when I get my Lap Top back," René sighed, exasperated by Severus' lack of knowledge. She sat down and began to have her breakfast.  
  
"So, what are you two doing today?" Albus asked Severus and René.  
  
"Replenishing my stock of Powdered Dragon's Blood," Severus replied.  
  
"Visiting my parents and getting all of my crap," René announce. The three chatted about meaningless things, well, René and Albus talked about chocolate and Severus rolled his eyes and ate his food with out any articulate comment. They finished and René stood up.  
  
"Are you coming?" She asked her two geese. Molson shook his head and Kokanee flew up and landed on Severus' head, "Okay, see you all later!" René grabbed some Floo powder from a pocket and threw it on a near by fire. The flames turned green and René stepped in them.  
  
"NOT WORTHY OF A NAME COTTAGE!!" René yelled and she disappeared. She stepped out of the fireplace and into the arms of her mother.  
  
"Oh René! You're okay!! You're back!!" Ellen Remfair squeezed tighter.  
  
"Mom! I won't be okay if you don't let go!" René gasped. Ellen let go of her eldest child.  
  
"So. Did you get the job?" Ellen asked.  
  
"Yes," René grinned.  
  
"What is it?" Ellen asked excitedly.  
  
"Defence Against the Dark Arts at Hogwarts," René grinned.  
  
"I knew you would go for that job! You love the Dark Arts!" Ellen smiled.  
  
"When in Rome, do as Roman's do," René shrugged.  
  
"I take it you want your Lap Top and CD player," Ellen said.  
  
"Along with other shit," René said.  
  
"Oh, and by the way. What is that you are wearing?" Ellen asked.  
  
"Robes. English Wizards wear robes! And they use owls instead of geese!" René said.  
  
"I heard that they did, but I never believed it!" Ellen said, amazed.  
  
"It's ridiculous, isn't it?" René said.  
  
"Very. Rory is at work, he'll be home in an hour or so," Ellen said. (A/N: I have just realized her initials are ER)  
  
"I'll stay until Dad gets back then," René said.  
  
"Do you want anything to eat?" Ellen asked.  
  
"Nah. I just had breakfast," René replied.  
  
"Oh yeah, time difference," Ellen said.  
  
"If you need me, I'll be in my room," René said, the walked downstairs into her room. Out of habit, she turned on her CD player and, within seconds, the room was filled with the sound of Linkin Park, Meteora. René flipped open her Lap Top and checked her mail.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
Severus pushed open the door to the Apothecary. A faint noise was heard in the back of the shop, alerting the owners that there was a costumer. He stepped in and closed the door behind him gently. He silently walked over to the Powdered Dragon's Blood. He took out his wand and stirred the powder gently, the peered down to see how fine to powder was. Satisfied, Severus straightened up and turned around and faced an employee looking about eighteen.  
  
"May I help you, sir?" The blonde employee asked with a faint French accent.  
  
"I would like fifty pounds of Powdered Dragon's Blood," Severus said curtly.  
  
"S-s-ir?" The French boy asked.  
  
"You heard me. Fifty pounds of Powdered Dragon's Blood," Severus was beginning to get annoyed.  
  
"F-f-f-ift-y-y?!?" he said, his voice squeaking at the end of the word.  
  
"Yes, I do believe so, unless there is an echo in this store. A very bad echo," Severus' voice was quiet and, as all his students knew, that was a bad thing.  
  
"No sir, there is no echo, sir," the French employee said quickly, but was then stupid enough to add, "But fifty pounds? Are you -"  
  
"Sure? Yes I am sure. I am as sure about getting fifty pounds of Powdered Dragon's Blood as I am sure that you are a fool," Severus snarled, "Don't question me, boy, just do what I ask!"  
  
"Y-y-yes s-s-sir," The boy had developed his stutter again.  
  
"And lose that damn stutter," Severus glared.  
  
"Y-yes sir," the boy said, then shakily raised his wand and said the spell to package fifty pounds of Powdered Dragon's Blood.  
  
"Put it on the Hogwarts' bill and send it there, fast!" Severus turned to walk away.  
  
"You can't do that!" the boy cried out. Then seeing the look on Severus' face he added, "Sir."  
  
"I can, and I did," Severus reached out pull the door open.  
  
"You can't sir!" The boy said.  
  
"Fine. Let me see the manager," Severus snarled.  
  
"Mr. Vattlesbottem! There is this man who wants to see you!" The boy called out.  
  
"All right, Guy, I'm coming!" A voice called from the back of the shop. A small, round man with grey, balding hair appeared in the shop. He was wearing a bright, many coloured robe and a big, cheerful smile. If possible, the smile got bigger when he saw Severus.  
  
"Severus! How are you doing today?" Mr. Vattlesbottem exclaimed happily.  
  
"Fine," Severus did not look fine. He loathed Vattlesbottem. Unfortunately, he was the best Apothecary around.  
  
"I'm so happy you want to see me Severus! We got a new shipment of Powdered Dragon's Blood. It just came in today! Come and see!" Vattlesbottem grabbed Severus' arm and dragged him to the Powdered Dragon's Blood barrel. Unfortunately for Severus, Vattlesbottem probably only was as high as a little bit past his knee. Caught by surprise, he had to bend over.  
  
"I know. That is my problem," Severus yanked his arm away then crossed them, "Your idiot employee questioned my need for fifty pounds then wouldn't let me put it on the Hogwarts' bill."  
  
"Guy! This here is Professor Severus Snape! Potion's Master at Hogwarts! You are to treat him with respect at all times!" Vattlesbottem said.  
  
"Yes sir," Guy the employee said.  
  
"Yes well, I really have to be on my -" Severus started.  
  
"No, no! I must show you something, Severus!" Vattlesbottem dragged him off to the back of his shop.  
  
"I really have-" Severus started again.  
  
"No! You must see this, and this, and."  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
"I have to go, Vattlesbottem. Urgent business," Severus said, walking towards the door.  
  
"Ah yes. Off to see your lady friend, eh?" Vattlesbottem nudged Severus' leg (he couldn't reach any higher, thank God) slyly.  
  
"What?" Severus stared at Vattlesbottem.  
  
"You know, the five foot five, long, brown, curly haired witch?" Vattlesbottem said. Severus blinked. The only person he knew that fit that description was-  
  
"René?!?" Severus said surprised. (A/N: Alliteration!! Heeheehee. I can make it longer: Severus Snape said strangely surprised!)  
  
"So that's her name!" Vattlesbottem said.  
  
"René!?!" Severus said louder.  
  
"Yeah, that's what you said," Vattlesbottem said, slightly disturbed.  
  
"Oh God! Why the hell do you think she's my, er, 'lady friend'?" Severus asked.  
  
"It was in the newspaper."  
  
"Oh. My. Lord. Can I have a copy of that edition?" Severus asked.  
  
"You want to frame it or something?" Vattlesbottem said. Severus looked at him oddly, "What? I do that?"  
  
"More information than completely necessary," Severus muttered under his breath.  
  
"What did you say?" Vattlesbottem asked.  
  
"No, I do not want to frame it. I want to use it to hit René over the head a few hundred times," Severus said.  
  
"Why? She sold that to the Daily Prophet?" Vattlesbottem asked.  
  
"No idea. It sounds like something she would do, though," Severus pondered, "just give me the paper."  
  
"All right, all right," Vattlesbottem Aparated somewhere then arrived back in a few seconds, "Here you go."  
  
Severus glanced at the page and knew at once René didn't send this in.  
  
"René didn't send this in," Severus said.  
  
"How do you know?" Vattlesbottem asked.  
  
"Because she wouldn't have had time to hire a photographer. The day of the picture was the day that I met René. Dumbledore forced me to go shopping with her. Stupid Defence Against the Dark Arts teachers get whatever they want," Severus explained.  
  
"She wanted to go shopping with you?" Vattlesbottem asked.  
  
"No. She wanted a slave," Severus said.  
  
"What?" Vattlesbottem asked.  
  
"You don't know her. Don't ask," Severus turned and left the Apothecary.  
  
"Bring her over here some time!" Vattlesbottem's voice called out from behind the door.  
  
"Now let's see. René lives at, er, Not Worthy of a Name Cottage. Weird name," Severus muttered to himself. He got in line at a fireplace and impatiently tapped his foot. When it was finally his turn, he grabbed some Floo Powder and violently threw it into the fireplace.  
  
"NOT WORTHY OF A NAME COTTAGE!" Severus yelled. He landed in the same fireplace that René had approximately one hour before.  
  
"Hello. You must be here to see René," Ellen walked out of the kitchen, "You're wearing those creepy robe things."  
  
"They are not creepy!" Severus exclaimed indigently, "Well, maybe a little."  
  
"I'm Ellen Remfair, Saskatchewan's top Prophetess," Severus snorted. Divinations and shit. Very comical, "Well, the /only/ Prophetess," Ellen held out her hand. Severus reached his own hand out. Ellen grabbed it and held his hand in a vice-grip, palm up. She began to study his hand intently.  
  
"Can I have my hand back?" Severus asked.  
  
"Your name is Severus Snape. You teach Potions at Hogwarts and are a Potion's Master. I see darkness on one side of you and light on the other. Hm, there is more light than dark. Let's see. You are a member of a group of people trying to stop You-Know-Who, and yet a Death Eater," Severus began struggling to get away at those words. René didn't know any of this, so how does this Ellen Remfair person know? "Ah yes. You are a spy for the good guys. Yes, you play a key part in the war, perhaps the most important part. Yes, more important than Harry Potter. Don't look so shocked. QUIT STRUGGLING! Thank you. I also see that you will mar-"  
  
"That is enough, mother. I am sure Severus doesn't want to know who he is going to marry," René stood at the top of the stairs. Severus shot her a grateful look.  
  
"I don't see why not. You brother always wanted to know," Ellen said.  
  
"That's Ryan, not Severus," René said.  
  
"René is right. I do not want to know who I am going to marry," Severus said.  
  
"Fine. You'll go out with my eldest daughter, though," Ellen said.  
  
"And she is?" Severus asked.  
  
"Me," René said.  
  
"This is so happy!" Ellen chirped and hopped off (literally) to the kitchen.  
  
"How much did you hear," Severus asked, choosing to ignore their upcoming relationship.  
  
"I first thing I heard was that you played a key part in the war," René said.  
  
"Good. Nobody should know anything else," Severus said.  
  
"But I do!" Ellen chirped.  
  
"Then you can't tell anyone. In fact, I think it would be smart to keep you from saying that. Period," Severus said.  
  
"But I want to join to good guys!" Ellen said.  
  
"Fine. Talk to Albus," Severus said.  
  
"Albus who?" Ellen asked.  
  
"Albus Dumbledore," Severus said, with a firm tone of 'this discussion is over.'  
  
"You mean the Headmaster of Hogwarts," Ellen continued on. René bit her bottom lip.  
  
"Yes. Severus, what brings you here?" René said quickly, trying to change the subject.  
  
"Later," Severus said, looking at her to say, 'somewhere your mother isn't.'  
  
"Okay. Come on and I'll show you some shit," René said, then turned and walk downstairs. Severus followed her, "This is my room."  
  
Severus looked around. Ironically, the walls were painted green and silver. Not that you could see the walls that well. Every little space was covered with various posters of people. Severus later learned that they were members of bands that she liked. Even the ceiling was covered. On the floor, there were various books lying around. He bent down and picked one up. Artemis Fowl: The Eternity Code.  
  
"The third in a series. The first is probably around here somewhere. If you see a paperback gold, sparkly book, that's it," René said. She turned her CD Player on again and Severus jumped.  
  
"What is that?" Severus asked.  
  
"A CD Player. The music is Linkin Park," René explained.  
  
"I see," Severus lied.  
  
"So. Why did you come here?" René asked.  
  
"This is why," Severus threw the newspaper at her. She unfolded it and began to read.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
A/N: Well, this chapter and the next one was originally one chapter, but it became too long. Well, I am lazy and originally, Severus spent two sentences in the Apothecary's. Now he spent, what, like four pages. Hehe. And the Ellen's Seeing thing was shorter and René originally didn't interrupt it. Well, I am blathering. I won't have a computer for two days, so I don't know when I will update next. Have to go to my cottage ^^  
  
*Winks, turns around and runs into a wall*  
  
Mage Kitty ^^ 


	4. Rene's Family

A/N: Chapter four that was supposed to be chapter three is now here. I need a title for this. oh, and this is an AU fic now.  
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own. How many times must I state that fact?  
  
I am very bored so I am going to do one of those replying to the reviewers thingy.  
  
Dark Magician Girl: Thank you, and I am continuing ^^ I have the next, er five, six, or is it four? chapters on paper, so I am not stopping now.  
  
Crimson Dragoness: Why do I bother replying to your reviews.? I see you nearly every day. whatever.  
  
Stargurl: Yup, I'll keep on going.  
  
Leitheindel: She reacts. well, just continue reading and you'll find out. heh heh.  
  
pandemonium black: Yeah, it's kinda OOC. I knew that for a while, but I didn't realize how OOC it was. I read so much FanFiction, it totally destroys what the characters are actually like in my mind. I am so dumb. Some of the stuff I have already changed, but I might make it an AU fic so I can have to character that, you know, in it. Just for my amusement.  
  
*~*~*~*~* LAST CHAPTER *~*~*~*~*  
  
Severus looked around. Ironically, the walls were painted green and silver. Not that you could see the walls that well. Every little space was covered with various posters of people. Severus later learned that they were members of bands that she liked. Even the ceiling was covered. On the floor, there were various books lying around. He bent down and picked one up. Artemis Fowl: The Eternity Code.  
  
"The third in a series. The first is probably around here somewhere. If you see a paperback, gold, sparkly book, that's it," René said. She turned her CD Player on again and Severus jumped.  
  
"What is that?" Severus asked.  
  
"A CD Player. The music is Linkin Park," René explained.  
  
"I see," Severus lied.  
  
"So. Why did you come here?" René asked.  
  
"This is why," Severus threw the newspaper at her. She unfolded it and began to read.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
René snickered, then began to laugh.  
  
"Are we reading the same article here?" Severus glared.  
  
"Prof. Snape and ??? by Rita Skeeter.  
  
"Professor Severus Snape, Potion's Master at Hogwarts, was seen carrying many bags a few days ago at Diagon Alley. With him was an unknown female. Who could she be? How does she know Prof. Snape? Could it be lo- " René was cut off by Severus.  
  
"How do you find that funny?" he demanded.  
  
"How could you not? They got the facts all wrong!" René giggled.  
  
"Stupid Skeeter. Didn't Granger capture her last year?" Severus wondered.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
Mage Kitty: We have already verified that she escaped.  
  
Severus: Nobody informed me.  
  
René: Uh, Sev, we were there, remember? We told them to play the flashback thing.  
  
Severus: Oh yeah.  
  
Mage Kitty and Fred: Ha! René agrees with us!  
  
Crimson Dragoness and George: Severus (Crimson Dragoness), Professor Snape (George), who's side are you on?  
  
Severus: René, Mage Kitty and Fred's. Theirs makes more sense.  
  
Crimson Dragoness: And that's why I prefer stories with Draco.  
  
Mage Kitty: Severus.  
  
Crimson Dragoness: Draco.  
  
Mage Kitty: Severus.  
  
Crimson Dragoness: Draco.  
  
Mage Kitty: Severus.  
  
René: Oh, shut up.  
  
Mage Kitty and Crimson Dragoness: *sticks out tongues at René*  
  
René: *sticks out her tongue at Mage Kitty and Crimson Dragoness*  
  
Severus: How very mature. You are worse than my students.  
  
Mage Kitty: Technically, Crimson and I could be your students.  
  
Severus: *rolls eyes* Fine, René, you're worse than our students.  
  
René, Mage Kitty and Crimson Dragoness: *stick out tongues at Severus*  
  
Severus: *sighs* Back to the story.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
"How am I supposed to know? I don't even know who Granger is!" René said.  
  
"Hasn't Minerva told you all about her pet student?" Severus asked sarcastically.  
  
"Oh, a Gryffindor then, I assume," René said, then buried herself in the newspaper.  
  
"Of course, what else would she be?" Severus snarled.  
  
"Severus, all I know about this girl is that her name is Granger, she's a Gryffindor, you hate her, and she's a she," René said absently.  
  
"She's a know-it-all, bushy haired, annoying girl. She is also friends with Potter and Weasley. Blasted good-for-nothing Gryffindors," Severus grumbled.  
  
"Quite obviously they are good for something. They /do/ save everyone from /Him/ every year," René said, not really listening to Severus.  
  
"WHO'S SIDE ARE YOU ON, ANYWAYS?!?" Severus yelled at her.  
  
"The winning side," René said.  
  
"The winning- /what/?" Severus asked.  
  
"The winning side. I'd rather be alive. So I am neutral. Ish. Yeah. Unless there is a party run by Albus. Then I'd be on his side!" René shrugged, then got off her bed.  
  
"You're mad."  
  
"Dude, didn't I tell you that a looooooong time ago?" René asked.  
  
"I have no idea."  
  
"Okay then," René walked past Severus and out of her room. Severus quickly followed her as she walked up the stairs.  
  
"René dear, could you set the table for me?" Ellen called from the kitchen.  
  
"Sure mother!" René first walked over to the TV and turned it on. She flicked through the Guide and found an episode of The Simpson's that she never saw. She clicked on it, and the theme song filled the room. Humming, René went into the kitchen. Severus stared at her, then turned wide-eyed towards the TV. He stood there, staring, completely entranced by the moving colours.  
  
"René? Could you conjure up a table for, er, six in the living room, please?" Ellen asked.  
  
"No problem," René walked out of the kitchen and into the living room. Six plates, cups, forks, knives, and placemats floated along behind her. Severus didn't notice. He was now watching commercials. René tossed the Daily Prophet on a chair and whipped out her wand. She bit her bottom lip and cocked her head sideways, her eyes scrunched up. She waved her wand and a table appeared. The plates, cups, forks, knives and placemats fell on the floor with a crash. Severus still didn't notice.  
  
"DAMN IT!" René cursed.  
  
"Watch your mouth, dear," Ellen reprimanded her. She waved her wand and the items fixed themselves.  
  
"Wingardium Leviosa!" René intoned, and the ragged collection of dinnerware rose in the air. She waved her wand, and each of the dinnerware went to roughly its proper spot. René surveyed her handiwork and smiled. She then turned to Severus.  
  
"Severus. You could sit down," René smiled.  
  
"What /is/ that?" Severus asked.  
  
"A TV. Stupid commercials," René said, placing a hand on his arm and led him over to a couch and pushed him down. She then stretched out across the same couch, legs across Severus' lap. René stared vaguely at the TV, watching Bart argue with Principal Skinner. Unnoticed by either of them, Ellen stood in the doorway, with a scheming smile on her face. Ellen disappeared back in the kitchen. A few minutes later, there was a 'crack' announcing the arrival of an Apparater. René slide off the couch and walked into the kitchen.  
  
"'Ello Dad," René said to the dark haired man standing in the middle of the kitchen.  
  
"Hey René! How's life?" René's Dad asked.  
  
"Great," René said.  
  
"Ryan! How was your day at work?" Ellen asked.  
  
"Usual," the dark haired man, Ryan said, "What brings you here, René?"  
  
"To tell you that I got the job and I need to get some stuff," René said, "Oh, and Severus followed me."  
  
"Severus?" Ryan asked.  
  
"The guy in the living room looking as if he never saw a TV before. Actually, he probably hasn't," René said, "one minute, I'll go ask," René poked her head out of the kitchen door and asked Severus, "Sevvie-Darling, have you ever seen a TV before?"  
  
"What's a TV?" Severus asked absentmindedly.  
  
"Well, he's sure out of it. You'd think he'd flip out on me for calling him Sevvie-Darling. He gets mad enough when I call him Sev." René said, "HEY!! Why are you looking at me like that for?"  
  
"You called him 'Sevvie-Darling', dear," Ellen said.  
  
"I know what I- WHOA! Don't get any idea's there! I said that to annoy him!" René said, taking a step back, waving her arms frantically in front of her face.  
  
"But René! You know you will get with him sooner or later, why fight it?" Ellen asked.  
  
"I'm still harbouring a faint hope. And Severus doesn't like the idea," René said.  
  
"How do you know that? He seemed unperturbed when I told him that he will go out with you," Ellen said.  
  
"You don't wanna know how I know." René said.  
  
"No, you don't want us to know how you know," Ryan said.  
  
"That works too."  
  
Crack!  
  
"Hey Mom, Dad, René!" A fair haired man, younger than René, greeted.  
  
"HA!! I beat you, Rory, and I don't even know what's going on!" René grinned.  
  
"Supper," Rory said.  
  
"Supper? I had breakfast an hour ago!" René said.  
  
"René, this is not England. We eat at normal times here," Ryan said.  
  
"Damn time differences. So, where's Maurie?" René asked.  
  
"She should be coming soon. You know how she is at Apparating," Ryan said.  
  
"Don't remind me. Please," René said.  
  
"Hey! What's this?" A female voice asked from the living room.  
  
"Hey Maurie! How are you?" René walked out of the kitchen.  
  
"Great! The Daily Prophet. Hey! René, why does this person look like you?" Maurie asked, "And why does this guy look like that one?"  
  
"Cause they /are/ us. Shopping is lots of fun when you have a slave!" René grinned, "Severus. Seeevvvvuuurrruuusss! SEVVIE!!"  
  
"What the hell did you call me?" Severus jolted into reality.  
  
"Sevvie. Earlier I called you Sevvie-Darling. God you're out of it!" René said.  
  
"Help me. Merlin save me from deranged females," Severus said.  
  
"Nice to see you respect me sooo much, Severus," René grumbled.  
  
"I respect you as much as you respect me," Severus said.  
  
"Then you don't respect me at all," René rolled her eyes.  
  
"Then you should respect me. I /am/ one of the best Potions Masters in the world," Severus smirked.  
  
"So? Does it look like I care?" René groaned, "Besides, I am one of the world's leading experts on Dark Magic."  
  
"So am I."  
  
"DAMN YOU!" Now it was Severus' turn to roll his eyes.  
  
"You don't take losing well, don't you?"  
  
"If you're so smart and knowledgeable about the Dark Arts, why don't you teach Defence Against the Dark Arts, then?" René asked.  
  
"I have no idea," Severus said.  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?" René asked, a devious smirk on her face.  
  
"Pray tell why I would tell you?" Severus asked.  
  
"Cause if you don't, I can make your life a living hell," René said.  
  
"I'm so sure you could."  
  
"INFURIATING MAN!"  
  
"It is too easy to drive you crazy," Severus smirked.  
  
"THAT'S IT! SAY GOOD BYE, YOU SNOT HAIRED PRAT!" René whipped out her wand, only to have it removed from her grasp.  
  
"René, I don't think it would be a good idea to curse him," Maurie said.  
  
"Why not?" René whined like a little kid.  
  
"Because," Maurie said.  
  
"THAT'S NOT A REASON!" René yelled. Long before this time, Ryan, Rory and Ellen came out of the kitchen to watch.  
  
"Yes it is," Maurie said.  
  
"INFURIATING WOMAN!"  
  
"That's the second time you've used the word 'infuriating' in three minutes," Severus commented.  
  
"DIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!" René yelled, then ripped her wand away from Maurie, "NOW YOU SHALL SUFFER WITH SCARLET HAIR! ÉCARLATE!" A jet of scarlet light streamed out from her wand and settled on Severus' hair.  
  
"Did you have to choose a Gryffindor colour?" Severus asked.  
  
"That's why I chose it, idiot," René rolled her eyes.  
  
"Stupid. If Minerva floo'd in here right now and didn't recognise me, I'd give you twenty Galleons.  
  
"Hey René! Do you know where Severus is?" Minerva asked, who just arrived by Floo.  
  
"Do you know who he is?" René asked, pointing to Severus.  
  
"Never saw him in my life. Now, where is Sev- What's so funny?" Minerva asked.  
  
"The guy I was pointing to was Severus!" René gasped out between hysterical giggles. Ellen, Rory, Ryan, René and Maurie laughed harder. Severus scowled deeper.  
  
"Well then. Both of you get back to Hogwarts. Albus has called a staff meeting," Minerva said.  
  
"About what?" Severus asked.  
  
"About if it is worth the trouble to find a True Seer," Minerva explained.  
  
"What happened to Trelawney?" Severus asked.  
  
"Heart attack. She was predicting Harry's death. Again," Minerva smiled, gleefully, "The Healers and Poppy said it is unwise for her to teach."  
  
"She must be devastated. Remember last year?" Unbelievably, a small smile touched Severus' lips.  
  
"The Toad-Bitch was a little harsh. Trelawney deserved it, though," Minerva said.  
  
"Hang on a minute. I am soooo lost. Who is Trelawney? And who is The Toad-Bitch?" René asked.  
  
"Sybil Trela-"  
  
"No need to say more about her. Toad-Bitch." Ellen said.  
  
"Er, Umbridge. Stupid, toad-like Ministry witch. Really cruel. She was driven insane by our lovely friends, the centaurs," Minerva smirked.  
  
"Ooookay then," René said.  
  
"She taught Defence Against the Dark Arts last year. She sucked," Severus said.  
  
"Oh. Right. I take it you need a new Divination's Professor?" René asked.  
  
"Yes. That is what the meeting is about. It is to decide on whether or not we get a human Divination's Professor. It /is/ hard to find a True Seer willing, you know," Minerva said.  
  
"I don't think you'll have to look very far."  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
A/N: Me done for now. I wrote most of this off of the top of my head. I lost my written copy of this chapter. Well, most of it. But I bought a filling thingy now! School supply shopping rocks! I get new pens for writing, new pencils for drawing, markers and pencil crayons for colouring, erasers for erasing, fineliners for finelining. FUN!! Call me crazy, but I'm bored of summer. I can never find enough time to write. Nor am I creative enough in the summer to write properly. And I get too lazy to type. You see my major problem. Then during school, I'm doing homework. But Pyro's sister says that she had less homework in Grade 10 then she did in 9. So maybe I'll have time. Not. I spend all of my time in school writing and drawing anyways. I'm rambling. Bye bye!  
  
*winks and gives peace sign, slowly fading out*  
  
Mage Kitty ^^ 


	5. I'm not cutting off your hand!

A/N: I can't update much. School has started and I no longer have a life of my own. So chapters will be really short or not at all. Take your pick.  
  
Leitheindel: Wow. You're the only person to review. Unless Crimson Dragoness has listened to me and reviewed chapter four yet. Stupid prat. Yes. I'll try to update, but, like I said, I have no time and with 5-6 stories going at the same time. *shakes head at her own stupidity* I'm soooo dumb.  
  
This chapter is dedicated to Leitheindel, cause she is my only reviewer for my last chapter ^^ Not even my two Beta Readers reviewed. I feel abused.  
  
DISCLAIMER: HP stuff belongs to JKR. Star Wars stuff belongs to George Lucas... That's the guy, right??  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Mom. You are /not/ going to teach at Hogwarts!" René says, knowing the look in Ellen's eyes.  
  
"Ah, come on, why not?" Ellen asks.  
  
"You /love/ to tell anyone who will listen about /my/ love life. No way in hell are you going to do that when I'm teaching. It drives me insane! I really don't need to be embarrassed in front of 500 plus people daily. The only way that you will teach at Hogwarts is if you let me curse you with the Unmentionable," René says, looking calm, but inside she is murderous.  
  
"Yes, I defiantly agree," Severus says, also not wanting everyone to know about his soon to be 'relationship' with René.  
  
Minerva eyes the two of them, "So, what is in the future for you two?"  
  
"Romance," Ellen says.  
  
"THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I MEAN! YOU DID IT AGAIN! YOU CAN'T HELP BUT SAY STUFF LIKE THAT! IF YOU TAUGHT AT HOGWARTS, I WOULD NEVER GET A MOMENT OF PEACE! 'DO YOU REALLY LIKE SNAPE?' 'ARE YOU AND PROFESSOR SNAPE REALLY GOING OUT?' AAARRRGGHH! I THOUGHT I HAD ESCAPED ALL THAT WHEN I MOVED TO ENGLAND! BUT, NOOO, I DON'T THINK THAT IT'S POSSIBLE! RYAN MAY NOT MIND, IN FACT, HE USES IT TO HIS ADVANTAGE! BUT I CAN'T STAND IT!! IT'S FUCKING EMBARRASSING THAT EVERY TIME SOME GUY COMES TO THE COTTAGE YOU'LL TELL THEM THAT HE WILL GO OUT WITH ME! SOMETIMES THAT GUY CAME HERE TO ASK ME OUT! AND THEN /YOU/ SCARE THEM AWAY! COME ON! IT SCARES ME THAT YOU KNOW MORE ABOUT ME THAN I DO, JUST THINK OF THE GUY'S SURPRISE!" René is pretty near tears.  
  
"It's creepy," Severus says.  
  
"I'm sorry dear; I never knew you felt that way. You may cast the Unmentionable on me," Ellen looks sadly at her daughter.  
  
"I think a potion would work better," Severus says.  
  
"Curses last longer," René says.  
  
"Curses have counter-curses," Severus says.  
  
"You can control the exact outcome of curses," René says.  
  
"If you brew the potion properly, you can control the outcome with potions, too," Severus says. René opens her mouth to reply, but she is interrupted.  
  
"Oh, carry on your argument later," Minerva grumbles.  
  
"I'll take the curse from my daughter, thank you very much. I /know/ how could she is. I don't know how good you are at potions," Ellen says, looking at Severus.  
  
"Your choice," Severus shrugs.  
  
"Okay then, Aegre Loqui!" René intones, pointing her wand at Ellen. Nothing appears to happen. René clips her wand back on her belt with a satisfied smirk on her face.  
  
"Er, nothing happened," Maurie says. Ryan, Rory and Ellen nod in agreement. Minerva, Severus and René roll their eyes.  
  
"It /looked/ like nothing happened," Minerva says.  
  
"Like it was supposed to," Severus continues.  
  
"Try saying that me an' Severus will get together," René grins.  
  
"René is-" Ellen begins to cough, "René is-"  
  
"It worked," René says, completely unsurprised.  
  
"You better come and see Albus then," Minerva says.  
  
"But it's supper time!" Ellen complains.  
  
Minerva stares at her like she is crazy, "Oh yeah. Time difference. Eat a little bit, then come to Hogwarts. Lunch is in two hours."  
  
"See you later, René," Severus gets up and starts walking towards the fireplace. René grabs his wrist.  
  
"Not yet! I've got to get my Lap-Top and CD player to Hogwarts. I'll need your help," She says.  
  
"Do I have a choice?" Severus asks.  
  
"No. We're leaving when I'm finished, okay Mom? If you are not done by then, you'll have to find a way to get to Hogwarts by yourself," René says.  
  
"She can't get to Hogwarts by Floo," Severus says.  
  
"And why not?" René asks, "We can."  
  
"Hogwarts defence system. I'll explain later. Ellen will have to Apparate," Severus says.  
  
"Whatever," René drags him out of the kitchen, through the living room, down the stairs, through the hall and into her room.  
  
"Where are your Tab-Lob and CC player?" Severus asks.  
  
"It's /Lap-Top/ and C/D/ player," René picks up her Lap-Top, "This is a Lap- Top."  
  
"Okay. The DD player?" Severus asks.  
  
"I don't have a DVD player. I only have a small, dink ass TV. Maybe I should get a DVD player," René ponders.  
  
"DPD, VT?" Severus looks completely confused. René realizes that he can't get the abbreviations straight.  
  
"Yeah. You know. C3P0. R2D2?" René confuses Severus further.  
  
"What? What the hell..." Severus stares at her.  
  
"You know," René says, knowing perfectly well that he will not know, "Star Wars?"  
  
"What?" Severus asks again.  
  
"I'll show you!" René grabs her wand and waves it. It turns into a green lightsaber. Severus is dressed as Darth Vader.  
  
"*inhale* What the hell? *inhale*" Severus asks in Darth Vader's voice, "*exhale, inhale* AAAAHHHH!!!! *inhale* I sound funny!"  
  
"Of course, you're Darth Vader. He sounds funny!" René grins and holds up her humming lightsaber/wand.  
  
"*inhale* What's that you're holding?" Severus/Darth Vader asks.  
  
"My lightsaber. Get your wand out!" René says. Severus reaches for his wand and discovered that it is a lightsaber like René's.  
  
"*inhale* My wand! *inhale*" Severus gasps.  
  
"It's a lightsaber now. Turn it on," René says.  
  
"*inhale* What?!? *exhale*" Severus says, "*inhale* How?"  
  
"Here," René grabs his lightsaber and turns it on. She hands it back to him.  
  
"*inhale* What? It's red! Red! *inhale* It's contaminated! *inhale* Why do you get green! *inhale* Evil, evil Gryffindor colour!" Severus stares at his lightsaber/wand in horror.  
  
"Darth Vader had a red lightsaber. And he was very evil. Until Luke... Er... Whatever Luke did. But anyways, that is before that part I'm talking about. So, now we fight! 'Till I lose a hand! Wait... Didn't Luke have a blue lightsaber before he lost his hand? Or was it green? Oh, I don't remember, it's been too long since I saw... DAMN! Now I forgot the movie title! I only remember the last ones name, Return of the Jedi! Oh well. The lightsaber colour doesn't mater. Get ready to fight! It only ends when you cut off my hand!" René chirps.  
  
"*inhale* What?!? *inhale* I am /not/ cutting off your hand! *inhale* Maybe your head, but not your hand!" Severus stares.  
  
"That is the way the movie went. I know. I saw the movie!" René pouts.  
  
"*inhale* Then why don't we watch the movie again. *inhale* I don't think Dark Whatever and whoever you are fought in your room," Severus offers, not even knowing what a movie is.  
  
"Oh, ruin my fun..." René grumbles, but waves her lightsaber/wand. It turns back into a wand and Severus is wearing his black robes again.  
  
"Let's get your crap and get out of here,' Severus grumbles, not even thanking René.  
  
"Right," René says and grabs a duffle-bag from her closet. "Pass me my Lap- Top, please." Severus hands her the slim black computer. She gently puts it into her bag.  
  
"CD player."  
  
"I don't' know what that is," Severus says.  
  
"You put everything into the bag, then. I'll get all the stuff I want," René gets up and un-plugs her CD player. She then hands it to Severus and he puts it besides the Lap-Top. René puts her TV into the bag. She then waves her wand and all of her books fly helter-skelter into the bag.  
  
"If this bag wasn't magicked, all of this stuff would never fit," René grins.  
  
"That's illegal, you know," Severus says.  
  
"So? If they tried to catch every person with a magicked bag, it would take years. Besides, if the Ministry is worried about magicked bags, they need to get their priorities straight. You-Know-Who is back to life!" René shrugs. Severus lifts up the bag and, surprisingly, it is feather-light.  
  
"And a weightless charm," Severus says.  
  
"Whoopee," René says sarcastically while she walks out of her room. Severus follows her out.  
  
"Hey Mom! We're leaving for Hogwarts now!" René calls.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
A/N: Shit ass ending, I know. I'm too lazy to read any more of the faint pencil lines... And type this in general... *sighs* I have no life of my own. It's all FF and school work... See yah in whenever...  
  
*attempts to leave dramatically and falls asleep*  
  
Mage Kitty =^.^= 


	6. Evil Broken Escalators

**TSDADAP**

            _~ Mage Kitty_

**A/N:  **I take a long time to update, don't I???

**Disclaimer:  **Don't own.

**Leitheindel:  **You're the only reviewer, again.  My friends/Beta Readers are sooo nice…  Not.

*~*~*~*~*

**Last Chapter**

"If this bag wasn't magicked, all of this stuff would never fit," René grins.  
  
"That's illegal, you know," Severus says.  
  
"So? If they tried to catch every person with a magicked bag, it would take years. Besides, if the Ministry is worried about magicked bags, they need to get their priorities straight. You-Know-Who is back to life!" René shrugs. Severus lifts up the bag and, surprisingly, it is feather-light.  
  
"And a weightless charm," Severus says.  
  
"Whoopee," René says sarcastically while she walks out of her room. Severus follows her out.  
  
"Hey Mom! We're leaving for Hogwarts now!" René calls.

*~*~*~*~*

            "Alright.  I'm coming!" Ellen says.  Severus grabs some Floo Powder.

            "Hogwarts!  Severus Snape's Office!" Severus says.

            "After you," Ellen says.  René grabs some Floo Powder.

            "Hogwarts!  Severus Snape's Office!" René yells.  Ellen grabs some Floo Powder for herself.

            "Hogwarts!  Severus Snape's Office!" Ellen says.

            "Let's stop at my rooms on the way to Albus –es- es…   Es," René is saying as Ellen arrives.

            "Sounds fine," Severus says and walks over to the door.  Ellen and René turn and follow him.  The walk through the dungeons, up a few staircases, through some halls and stop in front of the purple dragon.

            "Linkin Park Rocks," René whispers to the dragon.  Severus already knows the password, but she doesn't particularly want her mother poking around her stuff.  The portrait slides aside and René, Severus and Ellen walk in.  Severus sets the duffle-bag down on a couch and they left the room, continuing on to the entrance to Albus' office.

            "Lemon Ice-Cubes," René and Severus intone.  Ellen looks at them strangely.

            "It's the password," René explains as the gargoyle sprung away.

            "Oh, oh, ooo!" Ellen says and her, René and Severus climb up the stairs.

            "You know, we should have Floo'd to Albus' office," René pants as they climb the stairs.

            "The stairs usually move up on their own-"

            "Like escalators?" René interrupts.

            "Sure, like escwhatevers.  And besides, you need the exercise," Severus says, though he looks like he only has slightly more energy than René.

            "I… agree…  my… daughter… is… too… la… zy… But…  I… could… take… a… break," Ellen pants out, her voice barely above a whisper.

            "No," René and Severus say, neither of them wanting to show any weakness.

            "Then… go… ahead…  I'll…  catch… up," Ellen sits down and René and Severus continue their march up the stairs, side by side.

            "I will not lose," René says.

            "You will, because I'll win," Severus says, creatively.

            _Can't lose to him!  I can't!  Must… keep… climbing! René thinks._

            _Can't stop.  Must beat René, is Severus' thoughts._

            "Yes!" René hiss/yells.  She waves her wand and mutters _venire.   _The result is shown when she holds up her Discman.  She slides the headphones over her ears and turns the Discman on.  Quickly, she becomes completely oblivious to the world.

            "What does that have to do with anything?" Severus asks.

            "I will forget that this is tiring.  I'll keep going and going and going.  Just like the Energizer Bunny…"  René trails off.

            "Yeah.  Riiiight," Severus says, doubtfully.

            "Seriously," René says.  Severus remains doubtful, but René's idea seems to work.  Severus blandly took out his wand and points it at the Discman.  In five seconds, whatever it was will stop working.  He pockets his wand.

            "Crap!" René glares at her Discman," The batteries ran out!"

            "Whatever," Severus smiles to himself, _she's like a Muggle.  Finding explanations for something that is obviously magic, _Severus and René doggedly climb the multitude of stairs.  They arrive at the top, stagger over to the door and nearly fall into the room.  Both of them stood there, saying nothing.

            "I win," René pants.

            "No, I do," Severus whispers.  Albus and Minerva stare at them.  They stood there, glaring at each other for five minutes.

            "What the hell are you two doing?" Ellen asks from behind them.  Severus and René make no move to respond.

            "They're having some sort of competition," Minerva explains.  Ellen sighs.  Both René and Severus look like they are going to fall over.

            "_Assidere Manere!" Ellen says, pointing her wand at Severus and René.  They both fly back and land in a love seat.  Both of them try to stand up, but they cant seem to get their asses of the love seat._

            "What the hell?" Severus says.

            "Mom cast a spell that will make us sit here until…  I don't know how long.  The point is, we have to sit here," René explains.

            "Well, I'm not!" Severus places one of his hands on the arm rest and the other beside his leg, near René's hand.  He tries to push himself up, but considering his current lack of energy and the spell, he doesn't move an inch.

            "You ain't gonna get free.  I've had this spell cast on me many times.  Mom has perfected it," René says, and leans back, making herself comfortable.  Severus glares at her and tries to get up, again.

            "So, you wish to become the new Divination's Professor," Albus says.

            "Yes, that is correct.  I am the top Prophetess in Saskatchewan," Ellen says.

            "She's never wrong.  Unfortunately," René says.

            "You are not encouraging," Severus says, glaring at René.

            "I am not encouraging myself.  Why should I encourage you?" René grumbles.

            "A little ray of sunshine, aren't you," Severus sighs.

            "René is a realist and sometimes an optimist.  Mainly when she's in denial.  She doesn't dwell in false hope often," Ellen says, "She knows that she will never escape-" Ellen starts coughing.

            "You must admit, that is a good curse," René smiles smugly.

            "A potion would have worked better," Severus says.

            "Oh, stop it!  Argue about curses and potions and poisons _later_.  Preferably when I'm not around," Minerva says.

            "Oh, shut up," René and Severus say.

            "You," Minerva says.  
  


            "What was Mrs. Remfair about to say before she started coughing?" Albus asks, his eyes twinkling, showing that he has a pretty good idea what it is.

            "She was going-" Minerva is inturupted by René and Severus.

            "Say it and I'll kill you!" René and Severus' wands are pointed at Minerva.

            "Sheesh.  It's not even that important!" Minerva rolls her eyes.

            "Maybe not to you!" René says.

            "But to us,…" Severus says.

            "So it has something to do with both of you," Albus smiles.  René and Severus' wands move to point at Albus.

            "They're gonna get together," Minerva says in a rush, just to annoy René and Severus.

            "_Stupi-" René starts to yell, but Severus' hand is clamped over her mouth and his other hand holding her wand,_

            "Violent," Severus says.  René bit his hand, "BLOODY HELL!"

            "Serves you right," René spits the blood out at him.  Severus holds up his bleeding hand.

            "I think I need a potion against rabies," Severus glares and René.

            "Grr… Gr…  I'm foaming at the mouth.  Grrrr…" René says sarcastically.

            "What is this about 'getting together'?" Albus asks while René and Severus are busy bickering.

            "Ellen predicted that Severus will get together with René," Minerva informs him.

            "And I am never wrong about things like that.  Ryan, my son, married Maurie and I said he would," Ellen says, "And that's not to mention René's boyfriend crisis."

            "Well then, I must say.  About that job…"

*~*~*~*~*

**A/N:  **Done another chapter.  It took me, what, a month and ten days???  I'm sooo pitiful…

*rubs eyes tiredly and throws smoke bomb on floor*

            _Mage Kitty =^.^=_


	7. Glamour

The Saskatchewan DADA Professor 

            _~ Mage Kitty_

**A/N:  **And here is the next installment of my shit ass story...  Have fun...

**Romm****:  I'd strangle my mom as well...  Along with other various forms of torture ^^  Thanks for reading and reviewing ^^**

**Leitheindel****:  Yes, Minerva is very mean ^^  *evil grin*  You're not the only reviewer now ^^  I feel so happy ^^  My Beta Readers have already read then next, er, million chapters...  I have nearly up to the Start of Term Feast (or whatever) written out on paper...  So yeah.  I read OotP in two days, too.  Would have been done sooner, but Crimson was at my cottage the day I got the book.  So I was only able to read a few hundred pages.  My birthday was about ten days after OotP came out, so guess what my present was?  I always skep the important parts, too ^^  You get a long reply thing for a long review ^^  Great, now I'm writing crappy sentences...  I'm reading, maybe 100? Fics at the moment.  Most of the HP ones _never _update...  It's soo annoying.  But I shouldn't be talking...  I've got another computer set up in the house now, so I'll have more computer time = more writing time = more updates.  That should keep you happy for awhile...  Now _I'll _stop babbling...  I hope...**

**Larthegreat****:  As long as you didn't forget about it completely, yeah!  I'll keep it up...  Just won't update more than once a week...  ^^**

**Disclaimer:  **I don't own Severus and Co.  I only own René and her mother.  And the geese.

*~*~*~*~* Chapter 7 – Glamour *~*~*~*~*

            To René, the next few days passed like a blur.  Well, she _was programming a Port-Key to properly work on Hogwarts Grounds.  Ever since everyone recognized that Voldemort was really and truly back, Hogwart's security was enforced much harder.  Port-Keys no longer work in Hogwarts, unless you have the four Heads of the Houses, the Headmaster and the Defence Against the Dark Art professor's support.  Everyone in question agreed quite quickly, well, except for Severus and René.  Severus did not, and still doesn't, want that 'Mad Physic' to even work at Hogwarts, let alone have special privileges.  He said a lot, under his breath, about 'Stupid Canadians'.  Unfortunately, René heard him and he ended up with hot pink hair.  René was relatively unharmed.  René didn't really want her mother to work at the same place as her, but when she realized that if her mom had that Port-Key, she wouldn't bother her a night...  So she quickly agreed and offered to make the Port-Key.  Not her most brilliant idea yet..._

            "Bloody Hell!" René grumbled when, instead of landing in her mother's office, she landed in Severus' office.

            "It seems like someone has gained a liking to our swears," Severus, still with pink hair, remarked.

            "More swears, more fun," René shrugged, then sat down on a chair.  She glared at the small gold locket in her hands.

            "It just won't work," Severus remarked.

"Yeah, maybe because _someone _doesn't want the Port-Key to work," René grumbled.

            "Give me one reason for me to accept the Port-Key," Severus straightened a few papers on his desk.

            "It will get Mom out of Hogwarts for about fourteen hours a day.  I'm sure you can figure out that that is more than half a day," René explained, "Why did you think I agreed?"

            "Hmmm...  That's a good reason.  And since Albus seems set on having your mother as the Divination's professor, we aren't going to be able to get rid of her."

            "So you agree to the Port-Key thing?" René asked.

            "Yes," Severus said.  The locket glowed for a moment, then turned back to normal.

            "Tarot Cards," René intoned, completely bored.  She disappeared.  Severus calmly walked out of his office and into his room.  He touched a particular stone with his wand and murmured:

            "Ellen Remfair's Office," the stone wall turned silvery and transparent as he stepped through it and out into the Divination's professor's office.

            "IT WORKED!" René yelled and flung her arms around Severus' neck.

"I can see that," Severus said, taking her hands away from him, "All we need is your mother to walk in with you like that," he explained.

            "Whoops...  heh heh.  Lack of sleep," René grinned and blushed, "Hey!  How did _you_ get here so quick?"

            "In my room there is a wall that changes into a portal that can take me to any part of the castle."

            "You've _got to show me that!" René's eyes sparkled and her skin faded back to a normal colour._

            "Give that Port-Key to your mother.  Hopefully she will go off and use it right away," Severus said.  Ellen had been following René or Severus around for the past few days with 'hint, hint, nudge, nudge' motions to either Severus or René.  It was driving the two of them off the wall.  Especially when they were together, which was quite often, considering that Severus is the best friend René had at Hogwarts, and René is Severus' only friend.  It is quite hard to hold a decent conversation with someone trying to make you kiss, or at least take the hand, of the person you are talking to.  They had resorted to locking themselves in each other's rooms because Ellen didn't know either of their passwords.  Unfortunately, that also played into Ellen's' wish for them to be alone together (hint, hint, nudge, nudge).

            Severus had been getting stares from various professors from spending so much time locked up in either René's or his own rooms.  Of course, in his rooms, that was common.  But with a young witch in them quite often...  They both thought that Ellen wasn't the only one convinced that they should be together, either.  Minerva was still convinced that they are _already together, Severus had suspicions that Albus had hired René for many reasons, one of them being her becoming a __friend to him.  René thought that __all of the staff member wanted/thought they were together.  Either she is overly paranoid, or her suspicions were well placed, especially since every time they walked into the Staff Room or anywhere with more than one person there, they would stop talking and look guilty at them._

            Severus' unusually good hearing told him that they were saying things such as 'how can she stand him?' and 'they _have to be together!  If they aren't already, they will be!'  Can't a social reject have one friend in peace?  Hell, if he was friends with a guy, the staff gossip would say that he was gay!  Severus knew the answer to the first question asked and it was that, in some ways, she's a kindred spirit.  They both were defencive; very few people knew what they truly thought on an important matter; both can be major asses, often; both were stubborn; both like arguing...  But if they were completely the same, life wouldn't be much fun.  René grew up in a loving, non-Death Eater environment, he definitely didn't.  René was cheerful and, at times, an optimist.  Severus was grouchy and a pessimist.  They both sort of complimented each other.  Well, except for the fact that they spend most of their time arguing over nothing..._

            "Hello?  HELLO?  EARTH TO SEVERUS?" René yelled, jolting Severus out of his thoughts.

            "Hmm, sorry.  What did you say?" Severus asked.

            "Call the Daily Prophet!  Professor Severus S. Snape said he was sorry!" René grinned.

"As long as it is not Skeeter you are talking about," Severus said, exercising his rarely seen wry humour, "_She'll_ say that I said that I am sorry on a bent knee or something twice as exaggerated," René laughed.

            "And...  If you _did_ do that and my mother walked in!" René laughed.

            "Ah, _she'll think that I'm proposing or something," Severus drawled._

            "God that would be embarrassing!" René said.

            "What would be embarrassing?" Ellen, ever curious, asked.

            "Nothing concerning you.  I'm done with the Port-Key," René tossed the locked to Ellen, "It works."

            "Let's see!  Tea Leaves!" Ellen said and disappeared.

            "Nice command words.  'Tarot Cards' and 'Tea Leaves'," Severus remarked.

            "What else would you get from a physic," René shrugged.

            "Thank God that she can't read minds," Severus said.

            "Yeah, that would be creepy!  I wouldn't even be able to think rebellious thoughts," René said.

            "Rebellious thoughts?" Severus asked.

            "Most often carried out into actions," René shrugged.

            "What?" Severus asked.  René drew and pointed her wand at herself and said:

            "Latin for finish!" René's appearance had changed slightly.  On her right ear, there were five earrings, on the left, three.  Her left eyebrow was also pierced.  The sleeves of her robe was pushed up and Severus could see a tattoo of a snake eating it's tail circling her upper right arm.  On the left arm, there were three Egyptian style wristbands nearly up to her elbow.

            "And that's only half of it," René grinned.

            "More tattoos?" Severus asked, completely unperturbed by her sudden revelation.

            "Yup.  I'll show you later. Like maybe my room," René said.

            "Someplace your mother can't get in," Severus nodded.  They both turned and wandered down to René's rooms.  They were closer than the dungeons.

            "Linkin Park Rocks," René said to her dragon.  Her and Severus walked into her office.  She waved her wand and she was wearing a high cut top and low cut shorts.  A tattoo of a sun circled her belly button and a lion rampant rose on her left leg.  On her right ankle, nearly up to her knees, were Egyptian anklets.

            "You like Egypt," it was a statement, not a question.

            "Egyptians are cool," René grinned.

            "I must admit, I do have some glamour charms on myself as well," Severus admitted.  What was the harming in showing the real him to his best friend?

            "Ooo!  Take them off!  I wanna see!" René jumped up and down excitedly.  Severus pointed his wand at himself and said:

            "Finite Incantum sp!" the change in Severus' appearance was very little.  His hair wasn't as greasy; it just looked like he hadn't washed it for a few days, his teeth were no longer as messed, his skin was just pale now, he had much less wrinkles.  All in all, he looked much younger.  He still looked too old for thirty-six, but looked much better.

            _Oooo, he looks good!  Or maybe it's just a comparison to how he was before.  _Anything _would look hott compared to Severus' glamour.  Wait.  I just associated 'hott' with Severus.  No.  Can't think that way.  He's a colleague; office relationships are not good.  No, not good at all...  Can't be mooning over you best friend.  I am exaggerating...  I hope...  _René thought, then frantically hoped that she didn't say that out loud like her 'English accents' comment.  Severus didn't _look like her heard her say anything, but he was superb at hiding his emotions.  René just stared at Severus for a few long moments.  Severus couldn't help but smile a bit at her shocked and, dare I say it, slightly longing stare.  Severus had seen enough smitten teenagers in his life to know whether or not someone liked another person.  What he felt about René's stare was something even he could not comprehend.  Severus stared back at René._

            "I guess I sorta half expected you to charm your appearance for the 'evil teacher' charade," René finally said.

            "Who said it was a charade?" Severus said softly.  René visibly swallowed and shivered very slightly, "I don't really think you expected a change, going by the fact you stared at me for quite some time," Severus stepped closer to the witch.  René blushed and stepped back, slightly unsettled by his closeness.  René's eyes' narrowed and her face took on a more Slytherin-ish one.

            "If you leave all of your glamour off, I leave off mine," René grinned.

            "Fine.  I'm not the one who is going to get murdered their mother.  Mine would be happy," Severus shrugged.  It was an excuse to drop that crutch anyway.  _She looks pretty damn good in those clothes.  NO!  Must not begin to like René that way...  Only makes the Mad Physic happier._

            "René?  Are you in there?" Ellen's voice said from outside the dragon painting.

            "No cheating," Severus smirked at René.  René's glare had an obvious tint of fear.  She then waved her wand so she was wearing the same robes as before.

            "Yeah, I'm here," René opened up the painting.

            "Ah, René, I just wanted to say...  WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOURSELF?!?" Ellen shrieked.  It was a rhetorical question.

            "Got a few more earrings and some tattoos," René answered anyway with a roll of her eyes.

            "HOW COULD YOU?!?" another rhetorical question.

            "I've had them for _ages, Mom," René said.  Severus loosed a few snickers.  A major lapse._

            "YOU HAVE BETRAYED MY TRUST!" Ellen continued ranting.

            "I'm thirty, Mother, an _adult.  You have _no_ control over me or my actions, legally or otherwise," René said patiently._

            "That doesn't mean anything!  Oh, I'm leaving!" Ellen wailed, then left.

            Severus paused, then said, "That was funny."

            "I hate to say it, but I agree," René said, grinning.  They both looked at each other, and René felt the beginnings of hysterical laughter coming on.  Unable to control herself, she collapsed laughing into Severus' arms.  A small crowd, consisting of the remaining Heads of the Houses, Albus, Hagrid, Mathew Goodman (the Muggle Studies professor) and Argus Filch, gathered around René's door staring at René laughing in Severus' arms.  Severus' grin was a sight to behold.  Ellen marched back.

            "HOW CAN YOU FIND THAT FUNNY?!?" She cried, then turned away.

            "Easily," Severus said.

            "What _is so funny to have Severus grinning?" Minerva asked Albus._

            "I don't know.  I'm sure René will tell us after she stops her hysterical laughter fit," Albus replied.

            "Why am I laughing?  It isn't even that funny!" René gasped.

            "How would I know?  I'm not you," Severus replied.

            "Latin for somber!" Filius Flitwick said, his wand pointing at René.  She instantly stopped laughing.

            "So, what is it that is so funny?" Minerva asked.

            "Mom's reaction to my appearance," René shrugged.

            "It was vaguely amusing to see the Mad Physic yell 'you have betrayed my trust' to René.  You would think that she had lost it years ago," Severus said blandly.

            "The first time I lost her trust was when I was five, stole her wand and cursed my brother's goose," René smiled, thinking back to that moment.

            "You _cursed a _goose_ when you were five?" Severus stared at her._

            "Well, I didn't know that it was a curse.  It was just a few words and a swish of a stick that my Uncle taught me to me.  I'm sure _you _poisoned something when you were young," René smiled.

            "Actually, now that I think about it, I did.  I fed my older brother's rat a mixture of cleaning potions mixed together.  I don't remember what happened to that rat," Severus smiled, "My brother didn't talk to me for weeks after that incident," René and Severus snickered to themselves as they remembered their adventures as little kids.

            "I don't blame Ellen for freaking out," Minerva whispered to Albus, "She looks like some rebel teenager."

            "It suits her more than her glamour.  It's more... her," Albus shrugged.

            "I still think she looks crazy," Minerva said, "Severus looks a little different as well."

            "Ah, yes.  He has finally taken of that glamour.  I was beginning to wonder if he forgot that he even had it on," Albus said.

            "I wonder how long he'll keep it off for," Minerva mused.

            "Probably as long as René keeps hers off," Albus said, then, to the rest of the staff, "Okay everybody!  The show is over.  Go back to whatever you were doing before!"  Filius Flitwick, Serena Sprout, Hagrid, Mathew Goodman, and Argus Filch slowly drifted away till only Minerva, Albus, Severus and René were left.

            "How long do you think your mother will stay mad at you for?" Severus asked René.

            "I'm running for two days," René said.

            "My money is on five," Severus said.

            "One week," Minerva said.

            "Four days," Albus said.

*~*~*~*~*

**A/N:  **And here is chapter...  something or rather...  I'm typing this on a computer that doesn't have access to the Internet, so I can't check there, and this is saved on a Floppy Disk, so I can't check my archives.  Ah well, at least I have a computer to type with now...

*stretches, then silently pads out*

            _~ Mage Kitty =^.^=_


	8. Bean Bag Chairs

**The Sask. DADA Prof.**

            _~ Mage Kitty_

**A/N:  **I think I have nothing to say…  For now…  Oh yeah!  This is the most amount of reviews I've gotten for this fic since forever!  *grins* luv yah guys!!  Oh!  And I'm such a blonde!  Good lord!  Physic/Psychic!  How much dumber can I get!  And the Apparating thing!  *bangs head on computer desk*  I'll fix those, er, plot holes/spelling mistakes right away!  Thanks for telling me about that!  The Apparating thing is that she cannot Floo to Hogwarts unless she goes after René and Severus because of the security type things.  She could still Apparate, but, mih…

**Shahanna:  **Did I really do that?  I'm such a blonde!  Although I'm not a blonde…  Yes…  Thanks for the dictionary type thinger!  It was much needed.  The one I was using was crap ^^

**Leitheindel:  **Yes, it was long, lol ^^  This one is shorter…  I just wanna write and update this ^^

**Derron Comes Ripping:  **AHH!  SCARY!  You're Irish?  SO COOL!  Ireland and Canada are my fave places.  Even before England!  I love Ireland very much and stuff ^^  It is soooo cool ^^  I also love Eoin Colfer, and he's Irish, so it all ties in…  Bwahaha!  Yup, you're right…  I just can't spell and am real dumb ^^  Thanks for pointing that out for me ^^

**RivanKnight:  **Your PenName is familiar.  But I can't place it…  Grrr…  AHA!  white raven's fic 'Tea With The Black Dragon'!  You've read that, right???  *coughs*  yes.  Well, if you haven't read that fic, go do that now.  Much better than mine ^^  Thank you for all the compliments and stuff ^^  They were quite welcome…  If I said that they weren't welcome, I'd be scared of myself… lol…  I've rambled enough…  on with the fic…

*~*~*~*~* Three days later (from last chapter) *~*~*~*~*

            "Oh René!  I forgive you for getting those terrible tattoos!" Ellen hugged her daughter, who looked infinitely happy.  Severus, Minerva and Albus scowled.

            "Damn.  Well, now nobody gets the money," Severus said after Ellen left the room.

            "Oh well," René smiled cheerfully.

            "Just one more day!" Albus groaned.

            "Anyone for 21 Black Jack?" René asked, holding up a deck of Muggle playing cards.

            "How do you play it?" Minerva asked.

            "It's really easy!  Everyone gets two cards at the beginning of the game.  Aces are worth one or eleven and faces are worth ten.  The rest of the cards are their number value.  The point of this game is to get as close to twenty-one as possible with out going over.  You have ask the dealer, me, to 'hit me' for more cards and to 'stay' if you don't want anymore cards.  If you have a black ace and a black jack when you are dealt, you win the entire kitty.  Basically, don't go over, or 'bust' as it's called," René explained.

            "I'll play only if we play the first few games without anything at risk," Severus said.

            "Sure," René said.  The four of them sat in a circle and René dealt out two cards per person.

            "Hit me," Severus said.  René handed him a card, "Stay."

            "Stay," Minerva said.

            "Hit me," Albus said.  He got a card, "Hit me," another card, "Damn.  I'm over."

            "You're bust," René corrected and picked up a card, "I'm done," everyone laid down their cards.  Minerva had 17, Severus had 19 and René had 19 as well.

            "It's a tie," Severus said.

            "No, I win," René scooped up all the cards.

            "What?" Severus asked.

            "I'm dealer.  Dealer always wins if there is a tie," René smirked.

            "I want to be dealer!" Severus whined.

            "Oooo...  Poor baby.  They're _my_ cards and this is _my game.  Two more rounds and we're playing for money," René grinned.  The game continued with René winning four out of five of the rounds.  Soon, a huge pile of money surrounded René._

            "That's it!  I'm going to become broke!  I'm done!" Minerva threw down her cards and stormed off to sit in a chair by the fire.

            "I agree," Albus said, then walked over and sat down besides Minerva.  Severus and René glared at each other.

            "Three more rounds," Severus said.

            "Okay, you're boring," René sighed.  She one the next three rounds easily.

            "Damn!" Severus moaned.

            "Cards are a pastime of mine.  I even have these Tarot cards my mom gave me years ago.  I use them for an odd version of Solitaire.  I can sorta tell your future with them," René grinned.

            "Really?" Severus asked sarcastically and raised an eyebrow.

            "Yeah, I can only do Tarot cards for Divination.  I can't do anything else," René shrugged.  She waved her wand and conjured up her deck of Tarot cards.  She shuffled her deck while staring at Severus.  Severus held her gaze.  Without breaking her gaze, René placed nine cards out in a box.  Three rows of three.

            "Past," René pointed to the cards closest to Severus, "Present," She pointed to the cards in the middle, "And future," She pointed to the cards closest to her.

            "What do they say then, oh mighty mystic," Severus rolled his eyes.

            René ignored the sarcasm and said, "In the past: 'A woman came into your life' to put in simple terms.  I guess I'm that woman. Present: 'You have lost money.' Ha, I laugh at you.  And it is so very true…  Creepy.  I'm _never_ right.  And future: 'You have romance coming up.'  Ha!  My cards and my mother are ganging up on you!" René laughed.

            "You made it up," Severus said.

            "I do not lie!  Well, about this!" René crossed her arms and looked indignant.

            "She didn't lie.  That's what the cards say," Ellen had walked into the staff room.

            "Quite entertaining.  Severus, could you show René and Ellen their classrooms?" Albus asked.

            "Sure," Severus shrugged.  René picked up her cards and stood up, "We'll go to René's classroom first.  its closer," they walked on in silence for a few minutes, Ellen trying to push her daughter closer to Severus.

            "Mother!  Stop it!" René finally said.

            "Sooorrrryyyy," Ellen said.

            "Here we are," Severus stopped in front of a door and pushed it open.

            "Dude!  It's the same shape and everything as your classroom!  Wait a minute!" René took out a pair of sunglasses and put them on.  She glanced down at the floor and laughed, "AHAHA!  My room is on top of yours!"

            "Why do I have an extreme feeling of dread?" Severus murmured to himself.

            "Cause I'm gonna make your life a living hell, Sev!"

            "Sev-er-us."

            "What ever."

            "Come on.  We still have to go to the Divination's room," Severus said.  They all marched through the castle, René and Ellen taking one and a half steps for each one of Severus.

            "Bloody hell!  I don't have as long as legs as you!" René gasped.

            "Grow a little."

            "What?  I'm supposed to grow to about six feet tall?  I'm five foot five here!" René yelled.

            "I've noticed."

            "Shut up."

            "Open up, you stupid thing," Severus glared at the ceiling.  The stairs nearly fell down on his head, "After you," Severus motioned for René and Ellen to go up.  René went first and climbed into the room.  Ellen quickly followed.  Suddenly, both of them started sneezing and coughing uncontrollably.  Severus raced up the stairs and saw the two Remfair women scratching their skin where blue welts were showing up.  Realizing that it was a magical allergic reaction, he dragged both of them down the stairs and to Poppy Pomfrey.

            "Oh dear!" Poppy said, "Good thing you just made some Anti-Allergy potions, Severus," She gave René and Ellen a glass of red liquid each.  They both swallowed it, grimacing at the taste.

            "Do potions ever taste good?" Ellen wondered.

            "Bloody Hell.  I _hate perfumes of _any_ sort," René grumbled._

            "I'm supposed to _teach_ in that?" Ellen said.

            "Severus, could you de-smell it for u?" René asked.

            "No," Severus said.

            "Please?" René asked.

            "No, and I'm leaving!" Severus turned and walked out of the infirmary.  René followed him, despite Poppy's protests.

            "Come on!  Please!" René tried again.

            "No."

            "I'll pay you!" René said, thinking over her Black Jack winnings.

            "Only for a kiss," Severus said very sarcastically.

            "Sure," René shrugged.

            "Gah!  I was _joking_!" Severus protested.

            "Go de-stink it, then I'll pay you," René completely ignored Severus.

            "But, I…" Severus started, but René had walked away, "Arrrgghh!" Severus wandered around the castle, lost in thought.  When he ran into the staircase for Trelawney's old room, he jumped.

            "May as well de-smell it.  I've got nothing else to do," Severus climbed up the stairs and into the incense filled room.  Wrinkling his sensitive nose, he said, "_Afui Acer_!" the room instantly cleared of the smell.  He waved his wand again and the windows opened.  He then walked out of the classroom and wandered down to the dungeons.  He arrived at his door and said:

            "I hate mad psychics."

            "It took you hat long to de-smell that room?" René was lying on his couch.

            "I took the scenic tour up to Trelawney's old place," Severus shrugged and kicked his door shut.

            "I'll give you your payment as soon as I see the room smell-less," René said.

            "Ooo…  Ain't you fussy," Severus drawled.  He walked into his room and tapped his wand to a stone.

            "Divination's Classroom," Severus said, then stepped into the silvery wall with René, "Is it smell-less enough for you?"

            "Yes.  You may bow have your payment _if you lock that door," René said._

            "_Cataracta!" Severus said pointing his wand at the trapdoor, "Happy?"_

            "Yes," René turned around and faced him.  She put her arms around his neck and stood on the tips of her toes.  She couldn't reach so she scowled and forced his head down.

            "Shrimpy," Severus couldn't help but remark.  He knew short comments annoyed the hell out of her.

            "Shuddap," René said, then, before he could say anything else, she kissed him firmly on the lips.  She felt Severus stiffen in shock, _He must not of thought I would go through with it,_ René mused.  She felt his arms wrap around her waist and he pulled her closer to him.  René continued to kiss him and didn't realize that her hands were running through his hot pink hair.

            _Mmmm…  Merlin she's a good kisser…  Or maybe it's just because I only kiss women at Dark Revels…  She tastes gooood… Severus' thoughts were not very organized and mostly complements to René._

            "I wonder if Severus has de-smelled the Divination's Room yet," Albus' voice floated upwards.  René jumped away from Severus, her once closed eyes were wide with shock.

            "What?  Didn't think that," Severus began but René pressed a finger to his lips.

            "Was there any reason for you to speak that loud?" Minerva wondered, "Severus probably hasn't cleaned it, he's really stubborn."

            "Oh," Severus said, a flush creeping up his cheeks.

            "Undo the locking spell!" René hissed.

            "Right.  _Alohamora_," Severus pointed his wand at the trapdoor.  René sat in a bean bag chair and grinned.

            "Hee hee hee!  Bean bag chair!" She giggled.

            "Someone's hyper," Severus rolled his eyes.

            "Maybe it's because of you," René mouthed to Severus as the trapdoor fell.  He rolled his eyes, but René could see a slight blush creeping up his cheeks.

            "De-smell it for me!" Ellen's voice came up from below.

            "I already did!" Severus called back.

            "Yup, yup!" René chirped, bouncing up and down n her bean bag chair, "hee hee hee!" Ellen came up into her new classroom.

            "Bean bag chairs!" She grinned delightedly and sat on one and began acting very much like René was.

            "Mother like daughter," Severus sighted, shaking his head.

            "They're fuuunnyyy!" René and Ellen giggled.

*~*~*~*~*

**A/N:  **And that's it for this chapter….  See yah'll next time…


	9. Never Put Two Ravenclaws, One Gryffindor...

The Saskatchewan Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor 

**A/N:  **And more than two weeks later Mage Kitty updates.  So sorry...  mmm...  tired.  
  
**Romm****: ***cackles* Yes they will be ^^  
  
**Shahana****: **Thank you! When is Severus' hair gonna change back? Read on!  
  
**RivanKnight****: **Bwha! I'm soooo smart! Though now Tea is down. Crap FF.Net… And I have never gotten around to reading the last few chapters she updated… grrr… Now I have to go to one of the other places to read them… ALL PRAISE BEANBAG CHAIRS! But I want one… I don't even got one… *sniff*  
  
**Derron**** Comes Ripping: ***laughs* I was gonna email everyone, but I only got around to you. Unless I emailed other peoples and they didn't reply…  
  
**Disclaimer:  **I own René, Ellen and LFP.  That's about it...  
  
*~*~*~*~* **Never Put One Temperamental Ravenclaw, One Proud Gryffindor, One Tell-Tale Ravenclaw and One Sly Slytherin In A Room Together** *~*~*~*~*

            René walked happily though the castle with Severus trailing along behind her.

            "Why can't you carry your own beanbag chair?" Severus asked.

            "Cause I'll change your hair back to its normal old boring black colour," René grinned.

            "Oh yeah," Severus said.

*~*~*~*~*** 5 Minutes Later *~*~*~*~***

            "Why can't you carry your own beanbag chair?" Severus asked again.

            "We went through this five minutes ago," René replied.

            "Oh yeah," Severus said.

*~*~*~*~* 5 Minutes Later *~*~*~*~*

            "Why can't you-" Severus started.

            "Carry your own beanbag chair?  I know, I know...  We went through with this five minutes ago," René replied, frustrated.

            "Oh yeah," Severus said, while René mouthed the words.

*~*~*~*~* 5 Minutes Later *~*~*~*~*

            Severus opened his mouth.

            "Why can't you-" René started in a near perfect imitation of Severus' usual drawl.

            "Actually, I was going to say that we are going in the wrong direction to get to your room.

            "I know that.  Can't you tell that I'm lost?" René said.

            "Oh, just great," Severus moaned.

            "Do you know how to get to my room?" René asked.

            "No...  I don't even know where we are," Severus sighed.

            "Well, we're going up," René said.

            "But we want to go _down_!" Severus said.

            "We can't go back," René said.

            "And why not?" Severus ground his teeth.

            "Turn around and see," René said.  Severus turned around.  Behind them was a stone wall and no way through it.

            "Crap," Severus said.

            "See?  We can only go up!" René said smugly.

            "Whatever," Severus said and stalked bast her.  René sped up to follow him.  They walked in silence for awhile while Severus tried to remember which tower is the one with absolutely no stairs, which was the one that they were on.

            "Oh no! I remember this tower now," Severus groaned.

            "So, where are we?" René asked.

            "The one place I try to stay away from, the Astronomy Tower," Severus sighed.

            "Cool!  I haven't met the Astronomy Professor yet!" René said, "And I like stars!  And constellations!  Ursa Major, Ursa Minor, Cancer, Draco, Big and Little Dippers, Pegasus, Cassiopeia..." René rambled on about constellations, mainly repeated ones that she had already said.

            "SHUT UP!  SHUT UP!  YOU SOUND LIKE SINISTRA!  AND THAT IS NOT A GOOD THING!" Severus yelled.

            "Oookay then," René shrugged.

            "Nice to see that you are as charming as ever, Professor Snape," A woman standing in front of them said.  From the look on her face, she did not want Severus to be here.  Her hair is long, nearly black straight hair and grey eyes.  She wore dark blue robes and a black cloak.  They were stitched with sparkly silver thread.

            "Sinistra," Severus growled as a greeting.

            "Would I be correct to assume that you are the Astronomy Professor?" René asked.

            "Yes, Cassiopeia Sinistra.  Cassi for short," the woman smiled cheerfully.

            "René Remfair, the insane Canadian Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor," René held out her hand and Cassi shook it.

            "Insane?" Cassi asked.

            "For many reasons.  A) Taking the Defence Against the Dark Arts job, B) Befriending Severus Snape, C) Obsesses with curses, especially the Unforgivables and D) I own two Canadian Geese," René smiled cheerfully.

            "They would very easily classify you as insane. Especially the one about Snape," Cassi glared at Severus.

            "No, I think E is the craziest," Severus glared back.

            "E?  My memory is bad, but I know that there was no E," Cassi said.

            "E) Holding a conversation with the scatter-brained Astronomy Professor without insults," Severus' face was expressionless.

            "Sev-er-ussss!" René hissed.

            "What?  She's a scatter-brained, head-in-the-stars, no-good, dreaming little _twit_!" Severus hissed.

            "And _you_ are a dungeon crawling, over-grown greasy haired bat, snarling, potion's guzzling _git!" Cassi's once pleasant face was changed into one of pure hate._

            "Oh, heh heh...  Um, Severus, go to my room and get rid of the beanbag chair," René said, trying to stop the fight.

            "Why should I?" Severus looked like he would start breathing fire anytime now.

            "Cause I'll change your hair back to its original colour," René said patiently, "Didn't we just go through with this a few minutes ago?"

            "Fine," Severus turned and stalked away.

            "I was wonder why his hair is hot pink," Cassi remarked.

            "He pissed me off.  I don't even remember what he did or said," René shrugged.

            "How long have you known him for?" Cassi asked.

            "About two weeks or so.  I like arguing with him.  He's about the only person here that can put up with me.  Asides from my mother.  But she's my _mother," René said._

            "But, there are no other Remfairs here.  Unless you are married?" Cassi looked a little confused.

            "No, I'm not married.  Have you been up in your tower for the past little while?  Trelawney's had a heart attack; she can't teach anymore.  My mom's a Prophetess and, unfortunately, she's really good.  I think she has a grand total of two wrong predictions," René sighed, "I only hope it will soon become three wrong predictions."

            "No, I haven't been up in the tower.  I just got here today.  Term starts in a week; teachers only have to arrive now," Cassi said, "If you don't mind me asking, what is the prediction that you want to be wrong?"

            "Not telling."

            "Come on!"

            "Nope, not telling!"

            "Please?"

            "I'm not telling _anyone_!"

            "I'll give you information to blackmail Snape."

            "Nope, not – what did you say about blackmail?"

            Cassi snickered, "I knew that would work."

            "I'll tell you, but not here," René glanced at the paintings, who were faking disinterest.

            "Oh yes.  Come.  My rooms are this way," Cassi turned around and walked upwards.  René followed her.  They came to a door.

            "Pegasus," Cassi said, then opened the door.

            "Do you have something with constellations or something?  Your password is a constellation and your name is a constellation...  Hell, while we're at it, your last name is a star!" René said.

            "I come from a long line of Muggle astronomers.  What do you expect?" Cassi shrugged.

            René smiled and shook her head, "On my mom's side, it's a bunch of cursed obsessed nerds.  On my dad's side, it's a bunch of Aurors," René said, "But the funny thing is that my mom's a Prophetess and my dad's a politician.  He's the Minister for the Military.  And he's a quiet guy; not someone you would expect for his position.  He does a pretty good job, though."

            "So, what was that prediction?" Cassi asked.

            "You must swear not to tell anyone...  Well, Minerva and Albus already know.  And my mom...  And you can't laugh.  And you can't scream something like 'what?!?'  And-" René rambled on.

            "Okay, okay!  I get the picture!  I won't do anything like that!" Cassi said.

            "Alright...  Well, the prediction was," René was turning red, "Well, it is that..."

            "Oh, spit it out!" Cassi looked positively delighted.

            "I'mgonnagooutwithSeverus," René blurted out.

            "What?  All I heard was Mgonouthverus...  M gono oth verus?" Cassi asked, "Speak slower.

            "I...am...go...ing...to...go...out...with...Sev...er...us," René pronounced each syllable slowly.

            "You're going to go out with Severus?  As in Severus Snape?  As in the evil Potions Master!  As in the greasy bat!  As in-" Cassi's eyes were wide.

            "You're doing exactly what I didn't want you to do.  And _yes_, _that Severus!" René was quite red._

            "I feel sooo sorry for you," Cassi _did_ look sorry.

            "Actually, he's not that bad of a kisser," René said without thinking.

            "You _kissed_ him?" Cassi stared at her.

            "Yeah..." René mumbled.

            "Why?" Cassi asked.

            "Well, you know how Trelawney's old room stank?  Me and Mom are allergic to incense and crap.  Bloody magic allergies...  Anyways, the three of us, Severus, Mom and I, went up to the room.  I went first and Mom was right behind me.  I'm more resistant to the smelly crap, so we started sneezing and crap at the same time.  Severus ran up and dragged us to Poppy.  I asked Severus if he could de-smell the room and he said 'no'.  I told him that I'd pay him and he said, 'only for a kiss'.  He was joking, but, hey!  All's fair in love and war!" René said.

            "But that was neither love or war.  Unless you are in love with him," Cassi shuddered.

            "No, I ain't.  Well, that's not the point.  Well, he said, 'only for a kiss', and I said 'sure'.  I then told him that I would pay him _after_ he was done de-smelling.  Then I walked away.  I went to his room and laid down on the couch and wished that my disc-man is working.  Then Severus walked in and I said, 'you'll get your kiss when I see the room de-smelled'.  We went up to the Divination's room and I told him to lock the trapdoor.  He did.  I sorta had reach up and pull him down and he said 'shrimpy' or something like that.  I had to resist the urge to stick out my tongue.  So I just said 'shut up' and kissed him.  He was quite surprised.  I don't think he thought that I would go through with it.  It was rather funny.  Now, along comes Minerva, Mom and Albus," René said.

            "Ohmigod!  They didn't walk in on you, did they?" Cassi's eyes were quite wide.  René enjoyed her audience.

            "Of course not.  Severus locked the door, remember?  Anyways, I pulled away and he looked kinda dazed.  He started to say something about...  I don't remember.  He didn't make much sense.  I wish I could read minds.  What he was thinking during the kiss would have been funny," René said.

            "René!  Ger back to the story!" Cassi said.

            "Oops, sorry.  Anyways, I told him to shut up.  Actually I pressed my finger to his lips.  Oh well, same difference.  We heard Minerva say something to Albus.  I don't remember or care.  I told Severus to unlock the door and I sat down on a beanbag chair.  Beanbag chairs amuse me.  The make me hyper," René smiled cheerfully.

            "Oh man!  What would have Albus, Minerva and your mother said if they walked in on you?" Cassi wondered, setting her wand down on a chair.

            "Easy one.  Albus would have smiled secretly to himself and thing 'Ah yes, my little plan worked or something like that.  Mom would have got all happy and if she had a camera she would take a picture and start gushing on about wedding plans and crap.  Minerva would have said, or rather, yelled in that voice of hers, 'SEVERUS SNAPE!  RENÉ REMFAIR!  WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?' like we're two fifth years making out in a bush," René said.

            "I could see that…" Cassi said, "Hey!  Where did my wand go?"

            "On that chair," René said, 'hmmm, maybe Severus was right about the scatter-brained thing…'

            "Oh, thanks," Cassi said, "It's almost supper.  Let's go to the staff room to get something to eat."

            "Yeah…  I'm getting hungry," René said, "But not yet.  I want my black-mail!"

            "Okay then..."

*~*~*~*~* **An**** hour later *~*~*~*~***

A giggling Cassi grabbed some purple dust and said, "Local Floo Powder.  It'll take you anywhere in the castle.  Costs less than normal Floo Powder, too," Cassi explained.

            "Useful," René said.  Cassi threw the LFP into a fire and said:

            "STAFF ROOM!" René grabbed some LFP for herself and threw it into the flames.

            "STAFF ROOM!"

*~*~*~*~*

            "Hello Cassi.  Have you met the new Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor yet?" Albus asked Cassi as she stepped out of the fire.

            "Yes.  She's coming down right now," Cassi said, and sure enough, René appeared in the fire.

            "Hi!" René grinned.

            "Hello René.  How are the both of you?" Albus asked.

            "Good," they both said at the same time.  They looked at each other and began to giggle.

            "What's so funny?" a sour looking Severus asked.  His hair was still pink.

            "Aww…  Is Professor Snape afraid that Cassi is going to steal his only friend?" Cassi asked in third-person.

            "At least I don't speak in third-person, you star-headed twit," Severus' lips curled back into a sneer.

            "You didn't answer my question, prat," Cassi yawned.

            "I don't-"

            "As amusing as this argument is, _shut up_!" René sighed.

            "Fine!" Cassi and Seveus yelled.

            "Good Merlin!  René actually managed to stop those two from bickering?" Minerva asked.

            "It appears so," Albus said.

            "She deserves a medal, at least," Minerva said.

            "A medal?  COOL!" René said.

            "She doesn't deserve a medal.  Unless it was one for stupidity," Severus snarked.

            "Look who's talking?  You were dumb enough to piss her off!" Minerva said, looking at his hair.

            "My hair would be normal if _someone_ upheld her end of the bargain!" Severus said sarcastically.

            "Oops.  Sorry," René said, then pointed her wand at his hot pink hair.  It turned back to its normal black colour.

            "Thank you," Severus said sarcastically.

            "You're welcome," René chirped, ignoring the sarcasm.

            "So you got your hair colour back.  And to do that you had to carry a beanbag chair up to her room.  And you were to dumb to use _Wingardium__ Leviosa!" Minerva demonstrated on a chair._

            "Oh, congratulations.  You levitated a chair.  _Wingardium__ Leviosa!" Severus levitated a couch.  Albus swallowed and slowly backed out of the room before his Professors dragged him into this mess._

            "Oh, stop it!  This is sooo stupid!" René sighed.  Minerva and Severus ignored her, "FINE!  IGNORE ME!" René sat down on an unoccupied couch.

            "_Wingardium__ Leviosa!" Minerva levitated the couch that René was on._

            "AH!  Warn me next time!" René grabbed an armrest.  Minerva set the couch down.  Cassi joined René on the couch.

            "_Wingardium__ Leviosa!" Severus levitated René and Cassi's couch._

            "What did I just say?" René yelled.  Minerva and Severus ignored her.  They continued their levitation competition, "Oh, stop it!  This is such a stupid argument!"

            "They are not going to stop.  Everyone has tried at least once.  You may have got my and Snape to shut up, but you're never going to get them to," Cassi said.

            "I think I know a way to stop them," René smirked, her eyes light up with an unholy light.

            "What?" Cassi asked unbelievingly.

            "Well, they are having a competition to prove who is the most magically inclined, right?" René asked.  Cassi nodded, "Well then, watch this," René turned around and faced Minerva and Severus, "Stop it, both of you!  You're behaving like a couple of stuck up, know-it-all first years!" Cassi snickered.  Minerva and Severus stopped and what they were doing and started at René.

            "What did you say?" Severus asked softly to René.

            "You heard me!  You are behaving like stuck up, know-it-all prat headed firsties!" René yelled.  Everyone in the room stopped what they were doing and stared at René.  Cassi snickered beside her.

            "How dare you!" Minerva shrieked and pointed her wand at René.

            "AH!" René ducked as a bolt of light flew past her head and struck the chair, turning it into a teacup.

            "Crap René!  Now you've done it!" Cassi yelled as various blasts of light fired at their couch.

            "This means war!" René yelled, pointed her wand and shrieked a curse at Minerva.  Cassi jumped up and performed a spell normally for demonstrating at meteor shower.  The meteors were aimed at Severus.  Minerva retaliated by turning their couch into a small rock while Severus swished his wand and the meteors altered their course to murdering Cassi and René.  René deflect the meteors with a lazy swish of her wand while Cassi summoned another couch for a barrier.  René spotted a broom, an ordinary one, lying innocently on the floor, not realising that it was about to be used as a weapon of mass destruction.  She summoned it, making sure it ran horizontally into Severus and Minerva, knocking them to the ground.

            "Batters up!" René snarled ferociously as she caught the broom.  Severus began throwing a few of the huge quantities of coffee mugs that seem to live in the staff room at René and Cassi.  René swung the broom like a baseball bat and smashed quite a few of the mugs.  Minerva shifted to tabby form and tried to sneak around René and Cassi so she could launch an attack from behind.  A terribly ugly pink coffee mug charmed for invincibility that René batted hit her hard enough to make her shift back to human form.  Enraged, Minerva summoned a Mini-Tornado and sent it whirling over to René and Cassi.  René flicked it aside and it began tearing up the staff room.  The lights went dead so René dug out two sunglasses from her pockets and handed one to Cassi and put the other on her face.  The magic in the sunglasses immediately affected their vision, enabling them to see the locations of Severus and Minerva as clear as day.  They started pegging off Minerva and Severus with hexes from Cassi and curses from René.  Severus watched where the spells where coming from, then yelled,

            "_Adflictatio_!" It hit René.  René grunted and fell to her knees.

            "Is that all you've got, Sevvie boy?" She taunted, "_Adflictatio_!"

            "Nice try, René!  My turn now!" Severus smirked, "I think I shall use..."

"_Crucio_!"  They both yelled at the same time.  The red bolts missed each other by inches and simultaneously struck René and Severus.  Simultaneously, they blacked out.

"STOP THIS NONSENSE!" Albus was back, this time with a magically amplified voice, which stopped all the movement in the room.  The Mini-Tornado slowly died down and the lights came back on.  The staff room, to put it lightly, looked as if a tornado hit it, the pun not intended.

"McGonagall, Snape, Remfair, Sinistra!  I AM VERY ASHAMED OF YOU!  A DEFENCE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS PROFESSOR, TWO HEADS OF A HOUSE AND, **SINISTRA!  HIDDING BEHIND THAT COUCH WONT HELP YOU!"  Albus was just a little bit mad.**

"Damn..." Cassi murmured.

            "I SHALL INFORM YOU OF YOUR PUNISHMENTS AFTER SNAPE AND REMFAIR REGAIN CONSCIOUSNESS!"Albus was just a bit madder.

            "What?  What did I...  Oh my Lord!  What the Hell happened here?" Ellen stared, shell-shocked, "Ohmigod, René!" Ellen ran over to her prone daughter.

            "He did it!" Cassi pointed to an unconscious Severus, happy to get him into some trouble.

            "Oh well, René got her revenge," Ellen looked at Severus and turned back to her beloved daughter.

            "YOU THINK THAT REMFAIR GOT HER REVENGET?  LOOK AT THIS PLACE!  HALF OF MY STAFF ARE INANIMATE OBJECTS!" Albus continued to rant.  He seemed to have forgotten that he still had that voice charm on.

            "She did it!" Cassi pointed to Minerva.  Minerva sulked and said.

            "They got in the way.  I was aiming at Remfair and Sinistra."

            "You have very bad aim, and we ducked, so nah!" Cassi stuck out her tongue.

            "Nah?  How very mature," Minerva said.

            "OH, JUST SHUT UP AND GET SNAPE AND REMFAIR TO POPPY!" Albus still hadn't ditched the voice charm.

            "_Mobilius__ Corpseis," Cassi lifted René up with the spell._

            "_Mobilius__ Corpseis," Minerva imitated, raising up Severus.  Albus herded them to the Infirmary._

            "Oh dear, what do we have here?" Poppy asked.

            "They used the Crucious on each other," Albus explained, thankfully at a normal tone.

            "Oh my!" Poppy said, "Put them down here," she pointed to two beds.  She then forced two potions down René and Severus' throats.

            "GAH!  Was that completely necessary?" René yelled, gagging on the taste.  Cassi handed her a glass of water, "Thanks," René passed it to Severus, "Pretty good Crucio, by the way.  I haven't blacked out from one shot in a long time."  
  


            "Same here," Severus set the glass down on a table.

            "All four of you are going to fix the staff room up with no magic!" Albus looked at Minerva, Severus, Cassi and René.

            "NO!  That will take _days!" René gasped._

            "Exactly.  And you will all be paid minimum wage for the entire first term," Albus said.

            "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" All four of them melodramatically yelled.

            "Yes!" Albus smiled evilly, _too bad I can't get René and Severus alone..._

            "You can't do this!  It was a, er, relatively harmless for a completely disorganised duel" René protested.

            "Reletivly harmless?  René, the staff room looks like Hiroshima after WWII!" Ellen said.

            "Oh, shut up.  It can't look that bad.  And we are not all gonna have mutated kids from radiation," René grumbled.

            "Your punishment starts now.  Minerva, first you have to change everyone back to normal," Albus said.

            "But it's supper time!" Cassi whined.

            "Does it look like I care?" Albus asked.

            "But..." Cassi trailed off.

            "Now get to Hiroshima, whatever that is!" Albus said.  Cassi, René and Ellen stared at him.

            "How could you not know what Hiroshima is?" They all asked at the same time.

            "Do you even know what WWII was?" René asked.  Albus, Minerva and Severus shook their heads.

            "World War Two?" René tried.  Again they shook their heads.

            "Pitiful Purebloods," Cassi muttered.

            "Explain later.  Right now you are to clean up your mess, kiddies," Albus glared.

            "I resent that," René muttered while Cassi said,

            "Oh, crap this is going to take awhile!"

            When the six made it to the staff room, Minerva waved her wand and all the transfigured objects in the room turned back into their normal state.  Cassi and René were almost trampled as all of the once-transfigured staff members but one ran from the room.

            "Hey!  That's what happened to my sock!" Harriet Hooch exclaimed, holding up a coffee-stained sock.  The six looked at each other and Cassi murmured,

            "I'm never drinking coffee again."

            Harriet skittered out of the room.

            "Wands please!" Albus held out his hand.  René, Cassi, Severus and Minerva handed their wands over to the wand police.  Albus walked out of the room closing the door behind him.

            "I say that we each take a separate corner and work up into the middle," Severus said.

            "Whatever," René shrugged and ran to the cleanest corner, "HA!" Cassi, Severus and Minerva ran to the other three corners.  They all turned, glared at each other, and went to work.

*~*~*~*~*

**A/N:  **I have only eleven more pages of pre-written crap left of this fic...  Damn, I'm gonna have to start to think again...  Holy Crap!  This fic is nearly 70 pages long!  That is the most I've ever written!

            _~ Mage Kitty =^.^=_


	10. Cleanup Duty

The Saskatchewan Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor 

**A/N:  **This is the first thing I wrote for this fic in months...  Like I've said a million times before, I just type out previously written...stuff.

**Shahanna:  **Oops.  I accidentally posted my rough draft.  Again…  I fixed it ^^

**RivanKnight:  **Well, this chapter is the cleanup one!  I wasn't gonna put it in, but I decided to anyway!  The closest thing I have to a beanbag chair is an inflatable chair with purple feathers in it…

**Romm:  **Wow, very…  Creative!

**Lei:  **Don't you hate it when your parents kick you off the computer??

**Disclaimer:  **I don't own Severus, Minerva, and Albus...  I sorta own Cassi, though...  Sorta...

*~*~*~*~* **Chapter 10:  Cleanup Duty, or Detention For the Staff *~*~*~*~***

            The day had ended and the cleanest corner was Cassi's.  Next was Minerva's, then Severus'.  René's looked, if possible, worse than it had started.  The four had stopped for awhile to have supper.

            "Er, René...  How could your corner get _worse?" Cassi asked._

            "Easily," René said darkly.

            "The Purebloods did better than you, and this probably the first time that they cleaned without magic," Cassi stared.

            "Congratulations to them," René muttered darkly, stabbing viciously at her broccoli.

            "Do you having something against cleaning or what?" Minerva asked.

            Severus coughed to disguise his snickers.

            "Shut up," René muttered, glaring at her broccoli.

            "You two haven't seen her room," Severus shook his head.

            "And her room was clean," Ellen had walked in without any of the four noticing.  René jumped.

            "Motheeeerrr," René growled.

            "I told you that you would have to learn how to clean without magic someday honey," Ellen had an I-Told-You-So expression on her face.

            "What's the point?  I can't even clean _with magic," René grumbled._

            "Really?  That's pitiful!" Cassi snorted.

            "HEY!  You know what they say about geniuses!" René glared at Cassi.

            "No, I don't know.  Enlighten me," Severus said sarcastically.

            "They're often brilliant in one subject but suck in the rest," René crossed her arms.  She was still glaring at that offending piece of broccoli.

            "So you're saying that you're a genius?" Severus asked.

            "Hell no!  I'm just very good at the Dark Arts and that sorta thing and crap at anything else!" René drummed her fingers on her arm.

            "What a talent," Severus said while Ellen said:

            "You just don't apply yourself darling."

            "Don't give me that crap mother, I suck at everything else and I know it.  And it is a very useful talent, Severus!" René glared at him.

            "For what?  Becoming a Death Eater?" Severus' face darkened.

            "Professional Duelist."

            "What?  It's near impossible...!" Cassi exclaimed.

"Ever heard of Rhiannon?" René asked.

            "Yeah...  'The ebony haired and steel-eyed beauty' to quote Witches Weekly," Cassi shrugged.  Noticing her companions' looks, she added, "So I read a lot.  And I can sometimes remember useless things."

            "Not including passwords," Severus muttered to himself.

            "Well, she isn't precisely 'ebony haired and steel-eyed'.  Or a beauty," René stabbed her broccoli and held it up to her nose.

            "You're her?" Cassi stared.

            "Yup.  I'm a brown haired and eyed thirty-year-old chick who acts like a teenager.  I'm not anything the press says.  Except maybe good," René shrugged.

            "Modest, aren't you?" Severus muttered to himself.  Cassi and Minerva glared at him.

            "How did the press get it all wrong?" Minerva asked.

            Before René could answer Minerva's question, Severus answered, "Glamour.  And since it seems like I'm the only one with any common sense in this room, René you are beautiful."  
  


            "What?" The four women asked.  Severus calling anyone... _beautiful?_

            "What?  It's not like I fancy her or anything...  She was just basically saying that she thought she was ugly.  I thought us men were supposed to be the thick ones, and here there are, three woman, one being the mother, not getting it," Severus rolled his eyes.

            "Hey!  I'm not fishing around for encouragement or whatever here!" René glared at Severus.

            "I never said you were.  Isn't it a common thing for people to respond with 'you are beautiful' or 'pretty' or whatever?  Or 'you aren't ugly'?" Severus defended himself.  He was beginning to regret his decision to call René beautiful already.

            "So it means nothing?" René asked.

            "No!  It's just..." Severus moaned and leaned back in his chair, _Never, never compliment women._ He decided, _They just make it all confusing._

            "What are you trying to get at?" René asked.

            "It's just..." Severus tried to gather his thoughts and make them clear in words.  Ellen, Minerva and Cassi shared knowing looks.  PMS.  It will be very hard for Severus to get out of this one.

            "Damn broccoli!  I want chocolate!" René glared.  The women's theory was confirmed, "And I still want an answer!"

            "It's just..." Severus repeated.  Cassi, Minerva, and Ellen looked at each other and slowly began to back out of the room.  None of them wanted to get in the way of a PMSing professional duelist and her prey.

            "Well?  Spit it out!  No one else is here now!" René glared at Severus and the offending broccoli.

            "What?" Severus looked around.  Sure enough, he could see the tail end of a black cloak flicking through the closing door.

            "Come on man!  Can't be that hard!" René taunted.

            "Well, it's just...  You _are very pretty, René.  It's just that I don't think of you that way...  I don't fancy you or anything...  You're my..." Severus looked almost pleadingly down at René, "Friend.  You're my friend, René," It was the first time Severus had called someone a friend and actually meant it in a long time.  He was pretty sure that up wherever he was, Albus was chuckling delightedly to himself._

            It turned out that Severus said the right thing, much to the amazement of the women later.  Who would have known that Severus Snape could say what a woman wants to hear and mean it?  René jumped up and threw her arms around the dark man.  Severus stiffened, then relaxed, _Come on!  You've kissed the girl before!  It's just a hug!  Severus yelled inwardly.  Somewhat awkwardly, he wrapped his arms around her waist.  René leaned against him and rested her head on his shoulder._

            "Say...  Is there any chance that you've got any chocolate?"

*~*~*~*~* A few hours later *~*~*~*~*

            "Alright.  You four delinquents can leave now.  Oh wait, since Sinistra and McGonagall left without my permission, you all have to stay here overnight," Albus chuckled evilly.

            "What?  That's sooo not fair!  Me and Severus didn't leave!" René protested, outraged.  She wanted her bed.  And a Mars bar.

            "You both have to stay here for bad English.  It's 'Severus and I'," Albus smirked.

            "That's sooo not cool!" René groaned.

            "If it makes you feel any better, there are two hidabeds," Albus said cheerily and walked away, "Don't forget to share!"

            "I CALL A BED!" All four yelled at the same time.

            "I say that René and I get a bed because it is your fault that we're staying here," Severus glared.

            "I second that motion!" René put in.

            "I say, no," Cassi said.

            "I say, we open the beds first," Minerva said, and promptly opened one of them.  It was in pretty decent condition.  René quickly found the second bed and opened it to reveal a king-sized bed.

            "What the?" Cassi, Severus, Minerva and René stared.

            "I soooo call that bed!" René stared avidly at it.

            "How about two to a bed?" Cassi supplied, "Me and Minerva get the smaller one, and you and Snape get the bigger one."

            "I say I get the bed I'm lying in, and Severus gets the other one," sure enough, René was a lump under the blankets on the king-sized bed.

            "Let's just go with Cassi's idea.  Your bed is big enough," Minerva rolled her eyes, _How much more childish could René get?_

            "Fine then!  Severus, if you don't stay on your side of the bed, when I get my wand back I'll curse you to the London bridge!" René threatened.

            "How creative," Severus rolled his eyes.  René's shoes, followed by her socks and bra landed on his face, "Add to the mess, won't you?" Severus held the bra between his thumb and forefinger with a dubious air.  He dropped in on top of René's shoes and socks, "You know, it could help if I knew which side was mine."

            "Neither."  
  


            "René," Severus said warningly.

            "Fine.  The side I'm not on."

            "You're in the middle," Severus pointed out.  René moved over a few inches, "Alright then," Severus kicked off his shoes, pulled off his socks, removed a few layers of clothes and climbed into the bed himself, "Move over."

            "You move over."

            "You."

            "You."

            "You."

            "You."

            "SHUT UP!  SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO SLEEP!"

            "Spaz."

*~*~*~*~*

The next morning came with Minerva, always an early riser, the first up.  Yawning, she got up and crashed into a corner of the gigantic bed.  Stumbling, the woman pushed the dark hair that escaped her bun out of her face.  What she then saw made her shake her head and hold her hair back.  René was sprawled across Severus' chest and Severus had one arm around her waist.  Eyes wide, Minerva promptly woke Cassi up.

            "Ugh...  What time is it?" Cassi muttered.

            "6:30 AM"

            "That's early, especially for an Astronomer!" Cassi complained.

            "I hate to cut into your beauty sleep, but I've got something you _really have to see!" Minerva had a devious glint in her eyes._

            "What?" Cassi asked, curious in spit of herself.  Minerva just pointed at René and Severus.  Cassi just stared, then shoved her fist in her mouth to keep from laughing.

            "What should we do about this?" Minerva asked.

            "Blackmail," was Cassi's response.

            "Is that your answer to everything?" Minerva asked.

            "I have blackmail on all of the staff members, including you and René," Cassi smirked.

            "I should have known.  Why aren't you in Slytherin?" Minerva asked under her breath.

            "I'm not cunning.  I just like keeping things against people.  A security blanket type thing," Cassi shrugged, "Now, let's take pictures!"

            "With what camer- oh," Cassi had pulled out a camera while Minerva was speaking.

            "Let's get our blackmail!" Cassi and Minerva began to take pictures from every angle possible.  By the time they were done, it was seven.  Neither René nor Severus had woken up through all the giggling.  The door opened and Albus walked in.

            "What is going on here?" he asked.  Cassi and Minerva just pointed, "Let's stare at them until they wake up!"

            "That's boring!" Cassi complained.

            "You haven't been stared at by Albus while you're sleeping," Minerva had a haunted look in her eyes, "Since he used that on me, I tend to wake up early."

            "Time to stare!" Cassi shrugged.  The three stared at René and Severus.  Ten minutes later, Cassi was beginning to complain.

            "It isn't working!  Let's just dump ice water on them or something!"

            "René moved," Minerva said.  Cassi shut up and stared harder.  Five minutes later, a tired and bewildered René opened her eyes to see Albus, Cassi and Minerva staring at her.  Much to their dismay, René just smiled and attempted to wave tiredly.  She then attempted to bury her head back into her pillow, which was quite impossible, because, how could you bury your head in a person's chest?  René blink confusedly, then her eyes travelled up to look at Severus' sleeping face.  She looked back down, then turned and stared back at Albus, Cassi and Minerva.  She blinked.  Severus' arm tightened around her waist as he opened his coal black eyes and met Albus' twinkling blue ones.  His reaction was more satisfactory than René's.  He sat up quickly and yelled something about damn blue twinkling eyes.  Needless, to say, René got thrown off of her resting-place.

            "Damn you people.  I was sleeping quite happily until you started staring at me!" René grumbled.

            "I bet you were _very happy," Cassi said with very obvious meaning.  Severus looked politely confused._

            "Cassiopeia..." René's eyes narrowed.

            "Why do I get the feeling that I'm missing something?" Severus muttered to Albus as René and Cassi started hissing at each other.

            "Because you are," Albus smirked deviously.

            "And it is?" Severus asked slowly.

            "You'll know when the pictures get developed," Albus smiled and turned around to leave the room, "Oh, and you four better start cleaning now.  You're breakfast is an hour after you start cleaning," Albus closed the door.

            The four grumbling shuffled over to their corners, René trying to trick Cassi into believing that Cassi's corner was hers.  Cassi wasn't buying it.  Finally René gave up and slouched back into her corner.  She sat down and stared at the wall, randomly moving pieces around.

            After a brief break for breakfast, the four went back into the corners, and René tried to trick Cassi again.  Cassi ended up bodily heaving René into her own corner.  Once again, René glared at the wall.  Nobody said anything.

            "René, you've really got to get some work down," Cassi told René as they walked to the same corner, "René, I _know_ that this is my corner."

            "Damn," René wandered back to her own and sat on a couch.  The other three looked at each other, then at René.

            "René, you really have to do some work," Cassi repeated.

            "I don't know how to clean."

            "Don't be stupid.  Everyone knows how," Severus stared at her, his arms crossed over his chest.

            "I don't."

            "_René," Severus warned._

            "No, seriously, I don't," René stared directly into his dark eyes.

            "René, it requires no intelligence.  All you do is push the couches and chairs into the middle of the room and put everything into piles," Severus gestured at his area.

            "I can't clean."

            "René...  Push those damn chairs into the middle of the room like everyone else!"

            René grunted and pushed them into the middle.

            "Now clean the rest," Severus turned back to his work.  René stared at the coffee mugs and papers.  She sat down in the middle of the floor and stared.

            The rest of the day passed in a similar fashion.  At seven, Albus came and released the four.  At seven the next morning, he woke them up and sent them back into the staff room.  Once again, the four went to the corners and cleaned, unless you were René.  Then you just stared at a bug on the wall.

            "René, you really have to get some work done," Minerva said.

            "You think I don't realise that?" René asked.

            "Of course not, but still...  You really need to get some work done," Minerva repeated.

            "I would, if I knew how," René said for the millionth time.

            "Look, Cassi's all most done; maybe she could help you," Minerva said.

            "Er, Cass?" René asked weakly.

            Cassi sighed and said, "I will René.  When I'm done."  
  


            "Yeah!" René said cheerfully and started putting the coffee mugs in a pile.

*~*~*~*~* Awhile Later *~*~*~*~*

            "Alright, I'm done.  René?" Cassi asked.  René just grinned happily.  The two began to clean up René's corner.  In an hour, Minerva was done and joined the girls in cleaning René's corner.

            "Done!" All four yelled at the same time.

            "Jinx!" René giggled.  The Purebloods looked at her confused.  Cassi rolled her eyes.

            "What?" Severus asked.

            "You owe me five cokes!" René giggled hyperly.

            "What?" Severus asked again.

            "Well, I would prefer five Brisk, but if you can't manage that, Pepsi is better than Coke," René said cheerfully.

            "What is she talking about?" Minerva asked.

            "Muggle stuff.  Neither of us would know," Severus said.

            "Muggle brands of soda, to be exact," Cassi said.

            "Pop is good, yup, pop is good!  Ice Tea is better, though!" René danced around the now clean room.

            "Alright then..." Severus said.

            "Oh fuck!" René swore.

            "What's the matter?"  Cassi asked.

            "How many days are left until the term starts?" René asked.

            "Two, why?" Minerva asked.

            "I don't have a lesson plan!  I don't even have the foggiest idea what I'm gonna teach!" René went from being hyper to stressed in a matter of seconds, "Does anyone have a copy of the curriculum?"

            "I do, but it's crap.  Nobody decent goes by it anyway," Severus said.

            "I still want to see it," René said, "Can I borrow it?"

            "Yes, you can.  It's in my office."

            "Well then!  What are we waiting for?" René asked.  Severus, Cassi and René left the room, travelling to Severus' office.  The lower they got in the castle, the more Cassi's frown deepened, while Severus' smirk widened.

            "You should frown so much, Sinistra.  It doesn't become you," Severus smirked evilly, "What are you doing here anyway?"

            "Helping René.  And the pot's calling the kettle black," Cassi glared at him.

            "What are you talking about?  What does cooking equipment have to do with anything?" Severus asked.

            "It's a saying.  About hypocrisy," René told him, "She's calling you a hypocrite."

            "I got that much, René," Severus snarled.

            "Whoa!  Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning!" René stared at him, slightly shocked.

            "I bet you know that for sure," Cassi hissed in the shorter witch's ear.  René elbowed Cassi hard and glared with a pink flush that might have been from anger or embarrassment.  Cassi preferred to think of it as embarrassment.

            "What was that you just said, Sinistra?" Severus turned around and faced Cassi and René, dangerous confusing crossed his features.

            "Er, nothing?"  Cassi tried.

            "Don't be stupid, as hard as that is for you, you said something about René knowing that for sure," Severus looked at them curiously.

            "Er...  You'll get it when the pictures get developed," René smiled nervously.

            "Not again!" Severus groaned.

            "I hate mad psychics," René grumbled at Severus' door.

            "Great, now _she knows the password," Severus glared at René._

            "Then change it, genius," René rolled her eyes.  Severus just glared and stalked into the room.  He returned a few seconds later and threw a book at René.

            "Er, thanks," she said as Severus slammed the door on her face.

            "Rude enough," Cassi shook her head.  René rolled her eyes.

*~*~*~*~*

**A/N:  **GODDAMN BROTHER!  My little sanctuary isn't very sanctuaryish anymore!  Damn him...  Why the hell does he want to watch TV downstairs?  That's where I, er, live!  When I'm not on the upstairs computer.  Or in my room...  But still, why does he have to be so bloody annoying?  Even my mother agrees, and she isn't supposed to!  She's supposed to favour the younger one!  Or so everyone tells me...  
  


            _~ Mage Kitty =^.^=___


	11. Nameless Chapter I

The Saskatchewan Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor 

**A/N:  **I'm talking to one of my friends on this oddly archaic thing called a phone.  Neither of us are on a computer with the internet, and I can't hear a word that she's saying.  And the phone that I'm using is old, very, very old, and it hurts my ear because I'm using both hands to type, obviously.  Oww.  Oww...  Ear hurts...  OWWW!  OWW!  OWWW!!  Now there is a loud beeping noise in my ear!  OOOOOWWWW!  Oh, that was Crimson's fault...  I'm gonna shut up about my phone call at the moment, because the sanity is rapidly declining.  More than usual.

**Shahanna:  **Oops.  Did I do that?  *laughs*  I'm from Sask, and the place I spent the first tenish years of my life, they always said 'Coke' in the jinx thing…  But I don't like Coke.  Or pretty much any kind of pop…  *laughs*  I guess I sorta passed that bit of my personality on to my character ^^;;

**Disclaimer:  **I don't own Severus, Minerva, Harry, Ron, Hermione and whatever random student I throw in.  No, the term has not started yet.  Maybe next chapter...

*~*~*~*~*

            "Grouchy!" Cassi remarked.

            "Come on.  We've got two more stops!" René walked up to her room, with Cassi close behind.

            "Linkin Park rocks," René said to her dragon.

            "Linkin Park rocks?" Cassi repeated.

            "I'll show you," René grabbed her Lap Top and all of her CD's.  She shoved it all into her enchanted bag, "I wish my Discman still works."

            "Hmmm...  Muggle stuff doesn't work inside Hogwarts grounds," Cassi said.

            "I know that.  I figured out that all the magic in Hogwarts and many other places leach the electricity from batteries, so I reversed it so the batteries leach energy from the magic.  Well, one of my friends charmed the batteries, but still, it was my idea.  Besides, all my other stuff work," René sighed.

            "When did you use your Discman last?" Cassi asked, "Maybe the batteries are faulty.

            "I've tried all my other batteries.  The last time my Discman worked was w hen I was having a stair-climbing competition with Severus," René said.

            "I bet he charmed it so it doesn't work," Cassi said.

            "You're very suspicious.  But, yes, I think you are right," René closed the door behind them, "its very Slytherin-ish.  I'll get my revenge by taking his wand."

            "How will you do that?  He carries it with him all the time!" Cassi asked.

            "You really are scatter-brained.  Albus has our wands, remember?" René asked.

            "Oh yeah.  Why are we leaving your room?  Shouldn't we be going to Diagon Alley now?" Cassi asked.

            "Er, we're going to Diagon Alley?" René asked.

            "Oh yeah, didn't I mention it?  We're going to Diagon Alley to do your lesson plan and get some ice cream!  Why did we leave your room?" Cassi asked again.

            "We're going to Albus' office to get our wands back," René said, then added, "And Severus'."

            "Oh yeah," Cassi said sheepishly.  Her and René continued their walk through the castle to the gargoyle statue.

            "Um, what the password again?" Cassi asked.

            "Lemon Ice-Cubes.  How could you forget it?" René asked as the gargoyle jumped aside.

            "I'm really bad at passwords.  I only change mine about once a year," Cassi shrugged as they climbed up the stairs.

            "And it's always a star or constellation, right?  Wait a minute!  The stairs are moving!" René stared behind her, completely amazed.

            "The stairs usually do.  Sometimes they don't, though...  I really hate it when they decide to be funny and go down when you are trying to go up," Cassi grumbled.  Soon enough, they arrived at Albus' door and knocked.

            "Come in!" Albus' voice called.  René and Cassi walked in.

            "Hey!  Can we have our wands back?  And Severus'?" René asked.

            "Sure," Albus handed René two wands and Cassi one.  They pocketed them.

            "Weren't you just at Severus' office?" Minerva, who was also in the room, asked.

            "Nah, we ditched him and got the other crap I need first," René waved a hand dismissively, "We're meeting him at Diagon Alley."

            "Oh," Minerva said, not entirely convinced, _well, if they don't give the wand back, it will be worth a few laughs._

            "Do you have any Floo powder we could use?" René asked Albus.

            "Yes, it's in that jar on the fireplace," Albus pointed to a pink and purple jar.

            "Nice colour choice," René said as she grabbed some of the Floo powder.

            "Why thank you," Albus said as René disappeared.  Cassi helped herself to some of the Floo powder.

            "DIAGON ALLEY!"

            "Well, where is that ice cream parlour?" Cassi mused.

            "Um, you know this place better than me," René replied.

            "Here we are!" Cassi took off in a direction with René stumbling to catch up.  Cassi sat down at one of the tables and René collapsed into the chair beside her.  A waiter quickly came over and took their orders.  The two witches then settled down to work on the lesson plans and lick their ice cream.  Five minutes later, René screamed and banged on the table.

            "AH!  FUCK IT!  HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT TO TEACH IF I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS ALREADY KNOWN?  AND THIS BLOODY CURRICULUM IS CRAP!" René yelled loudly.  Various people turned and stared at her and Cassi.

            "Ask Hermione Granger.  She'll know," Cassi suggested.

            "Go find her," René said.

            "Why me?" Cassi asked.

            "Because I don't know who this Hermione Granger is!" René rolled her eyes at Cassi's lack of common sense.

            "Oh.  Well, do you see that black haired boy with the tall redhead?  They are Harry Potter and Ron Weasley, respectively.  They're friends with Hermione; they'd know where she is," Cassi pointed to two teenagers.

            "Hey!  Harry famous kid!  Get over here!" René yelled.  Harry turned and walked over to the pissed looking witch warily.  Ron followed even more warily.

            "You need me for something?" Harry asked.  Ron shifted his weight.

            "Yeah.  Where's Hermione weird surname?" René asked, "And weird forename," Cassi groaned.

            "Hermione Granger?  She's right behind you," Harry said,

            "Oh, cool," René turned around to face Hermione.

            "And you are?" Hermione asked coldly.

            "René Remfair."

            "And she says that 'Mione's last name is weird," Ron whispered to Harry.  Unfortunately, René heard him.

            "What?  It's not my fault that I was born into my family.  I never had a choice for my last name.  Though if you follow the Wizarding last name crap, the Remfair's are supposed to be all good and crap.  Though I have a feeling that my particular branch of the family is disowned..." René rolled her eyes.

            "Neither did Hermione," Ron said stubbornly.

            "Oh God," Cassi murmured to herself.

            "Cass, can I dock house points?" René asked innocently.

            "René, the term hasn't even started yet.  And you aren't done your lesson plan," Cassi rolled her eyes.

            "Mih,  I just wanna dock house points!" René said cheerfully.

            "Dock house points?" Hermione asked, "You're a teacher?"

            "Defence Against the Dark Arts," René smiled insanely, "And yes, I am crazy."

            "Oh, nice to meet you Professor Remfair," Hermione nodded.  René made a face.

            "Professor Remfair...  I don't like it.  Just call me René.  Or if you must insist with the Professor thing, Professor René.  Just don't call me Professor Remfair.  It makes me sound old," René sighed.

            "René, you are the youngest staff member," Cassi rolled her eyes.

            "What?  I'm younger than you?  Damn, I didn't think that you were older than thirty!" René looked at her friend.

            "Shut up."

            "What?"

            "Damn you."  
  


            "Hey!  Only I can damn people into an eternal and fiery Hell!" René cried, indignant.

            "Yes René.  As soon as you stop saying bloody Hell," Cassi rolled her eyes.

            "Bloody Hell!" René glared.

            "Damn, you pick up swears faster than anything!" Cassi rolled her eyes again.

            "They are the only useful things in a language," René shrugged.

            "I'm more for the flowery romantic language stuff," Cassi shrugged.

            "Blah!  That makes me throw up!" René made a face.

            "Um...  Can we go now?" Harry asked.

            "NO!  I need your leet school knowledge!" René exclaimed.  The other four stared at her, "Oh no, the leet thing again...  Elite, for all you unleet people out there."

            "Should I ask?" Cassi muttered to herself.

            "No."

            "It was a rhetorical question," Cassi whined.

            "Er, can we go yet?  All you are doing is bickering," Harry obviously didn't have a very high opinion of his professors.

            "NO!  How many times must I tell you!" René half yelled.

            "No need to yell," Harry half glared at her.

            "No need to glare."

            "Uh, don't piss her off.  Pissing René off isn't a good idea," Cassi warned.

            "I would advise you to follow that advice," Minerva said from behind Ron.  She pushed past and took a seat at the table and started eating René's ice cream.

            "Back off!  Get your own ice cream!" René glared.  Minerva ignored her.

            "Hello Minerva.  What are you doing here?" Cassi asked.

            "Coming to warn René.  Severus is quite livid about the fact you stole his wand," Minerva smirked.

            "Ooo!  Wasn't that brilliant?" René clapped her hands excitedly, "Oh wait, did I just say 'brilliant'?  Damn I've been around you Britts for too long."

            "Severus has been around you for too long.  He stormed into Albus' office and said, 'give me my fucking wand!'"

            "He learnt from the best!" René smirked evilly, "Besides, I've only known him for about as long as I've known you.  You ain't bursting out and swearing every few seconds, are yah?"

            "I don't spend nearly every waking hour of the day with you," Minerva rolled her eyes.

            "What's with everyone and rolling their eyes at me?" René asked, "and I'm not with Severus every waking hour of the day!"

            "Sure René.  Hey, I've been meaning to ask you this, how did you get him to clean out Trelawney's old classroom?" Minerva asked.

            "It's my secret about how I can get Sevvie to do whatever I want.  And Cassi can't tell unless she wants to be put under the Crucious," René smirked, not noticing that everyone was looking past her shoulder.

            "Ah, René..." René stiffened and her eyes got wide.  She was planning on running before Severus found her, "I have things to say about your previous comment.  One, if you ever call me..._Sevvie_...again, I won't stop at the Crucious this time.  I'll Avada you.  Two, if you tell anyone about how you got me to clean that room, I'll Avada you again," Severus said in that dangerously soft voice of his.

            "Person number two not to piss off.  Severus Snape," Cassi muttered to herself.

            "Sevvie, Sevvie, Sevvie, Sevvie, Sevvie, Sevvie, Sevvie, Sevvie!" René said, "What?  I've already told Cassi how I got _Sevvie how to clean that room.  So I'm pretty much dead already.  Besides, _I_ have Sevvie's wand."_

            "Give me the fucking wand!" Severus hissed.

            "Nnnn," René pretended to think about it, "O."

            "Give me my wand René," Severus snarled.

            "Nope," René stood up.

            "Oh great, the two most stubborn people in the Wizarding world are having a war over a wand," Cassi muttered.

            "Give me the wand," Severus growled.

            "No, no, no, no!" René glared up at the taller man.

            "You really should reconsider," Severus hissed.  Suddenly, he just snapped.  This witch was driving him mad.  He grabbed René and threw her to the ground.  He put one foot on her stomach and one near her throat, "Give me my wand!"

            "NO!" René said, then let out a small squeak of pain when Severus ground his heel into her stomach.

            "Give it to me!"

            "Dream on."

            "Snape!  Stop it!" Cassi pulled on his arm.  Severus simply flung his arm aside and shoved her away.  Cassi fell into the ice cream.

            "GIVE ME MY WAND!" Severus yelled.

            "Like I will, Sevvie-boy!" René squirmed, trying to break free.  Her hands tried to push Severus away from her, but Severus had put most of his weight onto the foot on René's stomach.

            "Severus!  This has gone too far!" Minerva snapped, "We don't need to be cleaning up Diagon Alley or loosing our jobs!"

            "Stay out of this!" Severus snarled.

            "Oh Merlin," Minerva quickly went through her options.  Brute force was out of the question; there was no way her and Cassi could knock Severus over.  She knew that Severus kept shields up so there was no way that she could stun him.  There was really one option left, one that she didn't want to resort to.

            "Minerva?  What are we going to do?  He's going to kill her!" Cassi stared wide-eyed at Severus.

            "I hate to do this, but, _Imperious_!" Minerva whispered, her wand pointing at Severus, "Come on you bastard!  Let off René!"

            "This is really weird," Ron said to Harry.

            "Come on Minerva!" Cassi called out.

            "He's too bloody stubborn!" Minerva panted.

            "_Imperious!" Cassi added her own force of will to the curse._

            "Damn he's stubborn!" Cassi growled.

            "Damnit René!  You're probably the only one who even has a chance of moving him!" Minerva snarled.

            "Oh God!  What should we do?" Hermoine asked.

            "Let's help Imperious Snape!" Ron said, willing to do anything against his hated teacher.

            "It's illegal!" Hermione gasped.

            "Fuck legalities, help us!" Minerva panted, "I'm the Head of your House!  Move it!" Hermoine, Ron and Harry ignored her and went back to there conference.

            "He's hurting that René person!  Two professors are already using the Imperious on him!  Come on!  We've got to help!" Harry said.

            "_Imperious!" Ron shouted almost gleefully._

            "_Imperious!" Harry joined in._

            "Oh, we really shouldn't be doing this!" Hermione fidgeted, then gave in, "_Imperious!"_

            Severus still hadn't budged off of René.  The only thing that happened was that he was barely pressing down on her stomach, for all the good it did the unconscious witch.

            "What is going on here?" a blue haired witch asked.

            "Tonks!  A little help here!  Severus is killing René!" Minerva muttered weakly.

            "I'll probably loose my job.  But, hell!  Let's curse him!" Tonks pointed her wand at Severus, "_Imperious_!" Finally, Severus walked off of René.  Cassi ran over to her friend and checked to see if she was alive.  She was and was waking up.

            "Ungh...  What the hell happened, Cass?" René asked.

            "Severus almost killed you," Cassi said.

            "That's it?" René asked.

            "Yes.  Now how about you give him his wand back," Cassi said.

            "This is all over a wand?" Tonks asked, surprised.

            "Things are very weird with those two," Minerva rolled her eyes, releasing Severus from the curse.  The rest followed suit.  Severus just stood there glaring.

            "Uh, your wand Severus?" René asked tentatively.  Severus just snatched it out of her hands and stalked away, "Do you think there is any chance of him not being mad at me in the future?" René asked sadly.

            "Why would you want him to like you anyway?" Ron asked.

            "Cause he's a friend," René said with one eyebrow raised, "And don't ask 'how can you stand him?' cause I just can.  I dunno, we have similar outlooks on life and humans.  Dunno."

            "Dunno is the best explanation?" Cassi asked.

            "It's the best explanation for everything.  Now, what did you three do for Defence Against the Dark Arts in the last five years...?" René asked.  All three teenagers jumped at the rapid change of subject, "Well?"  
  


            "In our first year we did..."

*~*~*~*~*

**A/N:  **My hands hurt.  I think I typed too much today...  gah, this was a crap chapter...  Not even really funny.  Now all I have is a pissed Severus to deal with.  Damnit.  And that was the end of the pre-written crap...  Now I have to think...  Wait a minute...  That was all supposed to be seven chapters long!  Now it's what, eleven shorter chapters?  Narg...  Tired...  Whoa.  I finished this chapter three days after I finished the last chapter.  Creepy...

            _~ Mage Kitty =^.^=_


	12. Insomnia

**TSDADAP**

            _~ Mage Kitty_

**A/N:  **AHH!  I figured that during the Chrimbo Hols (Damn you TazMoon for getting me saying that…  *glares*) I would have a lot of free time.  Not.  My life is overrun by a huge amount of homework (Okay, so it's _my fault for not doing it when I got it and procrastinating), webcomics (I managed to get my self addicted to about 15 of them…  I have no life now, because I'm trying to catch up, and it's really embarrassing when you send the URL to one of your friends and they end up reading it all in a few hours.  Damn, I have to spend a few minutes laughing before I even press the next button thing…), snowboarding (season passes, whoo!  Though I just killed my neck…  It hurts to move it…  I'm an idiot…) and other stuff I probably forgot to mention…_

**RivanKnight:  **Thank you!

**Romm:  **Yeah, probably…  But they would have all suffocated René.  Wow, that was the best excuse I came up with?  I'm usually better at making crap up…

**Lei:  **Yes, I had another chapter up.  If that happens again, in the URL thing, replace the chapter=11 with chapter=12 or whatever…  It works; I've used that trick a few times.  Sometimes it doesn't though…  Whatever…

**Shahanna:  **Oops…  My bad.  Unfortunately, I can't fix it at the moment, because that chapter is saved on the school's computers, I think…  Or maybe it's on the floppy disk lying in front of my nose…  lol.  I guess the beginning was sorta funny, but I wrote the end, and the last A/N, days after so I didn't remember the beginning and therefore didn't realize that there was actually something funny in that chapter.  Though I have a feeling that my humour will be rapidly declining because all that stuff was written half a year ago, like I've said a million times…  I wonder if I can still write humour like that…

**Gemini-Elf-2004:**  Thank you, and I've already told you that you could, lol ^^

**Disclaimer:  **I don't own Severus, Minerva, Albus, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Fred, George, and whomever else I put in this chap…  Though Cassi's first name is mine, thank you very much.  *laughs*

*~*~*~*~* Flashback Spells and Insomnia *~*~*~*~*

            The rest of the day passed semi-normally, though René realized after she interviewed, or interrogated, as the Golden Trio put it, Hermione that she could just give all of her classes a pop 'quiz' asking what they learnt in the past years.  Or just a pop quiz in general.  After René realized that, she began to bang her head repeatedly on the table to the point where Cassi and Minerva had to drag her away.  The three women then began to wander around Diagon Alley, stopping in random stores for no reason, because everyone knows that Diagon Alley is full of surprises and you could find anything there.  During their wanderings, René revealed why she was completely broke in England, while at home she had a lap top and other random items.

            "Why is it that you had no money here, while you had stuff in Canada that you could have sold for money?  And considering that you were a professional duelist and they don't make pennies," Cassi asked René.

            "I got mugged," René said cheerfully.

            "Mugged?" Cassi and Minerva stared at René.

            "Yeah, by these creepy guys in black capes and silver masks.  They seemed sorta familiar, like I've seen them on TV or something," René poked her head into a small, dingy shop.  She quickly withdrew her head when she saw all the cobwebs.

            "Death Eaters?"  Minerva asked.

            "I dunno.  One of them had long blonde hair.  He seemed to be the leader," René sidestepped a running teenager.

            "The masks and cloaks cover their entire bodies, how did you know he had blonde hair?" Cassi asked.

            "I pulled his hood off.  Them bastards though I was a bloody Muggle…  Maybe it would be best if I showed you," René decided.  Her two companions nodded and found a place to sit down.  Minerva calmly cast the spell enabling a person to see another's memories.  It was commonly referred to as the 'Flashback Spell'.  The world went black around the three witches and they plunged into the depth of René's memories…

            René was dressed in faded jeans and a green shirt, her long brown hair fell loosely past her shoulders.  She was wandering around in Muggle London, looking to all the world a normal everyday Muggle.  Her two geese were nowhere to be seen.  René shifted the backpack on her back and stopped at a 'don't walk' sign.  The three witches surveying the scene could see three black robed figures sneaking up on René.  The biggest one clamped a hand around René's mouth and dragged her struggling form off into a magically darkened alleyway.

            "Take all of her money and valuables," the man standing farthest away said.  Minerva recognised his voice to be Lucius Malfoy's.

            "Yessir," the man who dragged René into the alley said.  MacNair, judged Minerva.

            "Hurry, hurry, hurry!" the little man squeaked, bounding up and down on the balls of his feet.  He earned a cuff over the head and a rebuke from Lucius for that comment.

            "Shut up, Wormtail."

            Meanwhile, René was desperately trying to get her wand; she knew that it was the only way she could defend herself.  Lucius turned his mask towards her.

            "My, my, my…  What have we got here?  Aren't you a pretty one," Lucius drawled stepping closer to René.  With a flick of his wand, she was bound in place with invisible ropes.

            "If you do anything to me, the Canadian Government will investigate and create great problems for you," René said desperately.

            "A foreigner, then.  All the more fun," Lucius stroked René's cheek.  René visibly flinched.

            "I've got everything, sir.  But I don't think she's a Muggle," MacNair held up René's wand.  René began struggling harder, trying to reach the one thing that would save her.

            "No matter," Lucius shrugged, "Now, my dear woman.  What's your name?"

            "None of your business," René spat out.

            "I'm afraid it is.  Everything of yours is my business," Lucius murmured into her ear, "Tell me.  You know what I can do."

            René swallowed.  She did know what he could do, "Fine then.  If it would make you happy," she said this with thinly veiled sarcasm, "René."

            "Last name please, René," Lucius' hand left her cheek and travelled downwards.

            "Remfair," René said with obvious disgust.

            "Remfair, eh?  Your name is familiar, but you are not Pureblooded," Lucius' hand continued on its downward path, much to René's disgust.

            "Oh, but I am," René lied, "My family is one of the last Purebloods in all of Canada," in truth, her father's side _was _the last of the Purebloods.  But they had disowned René's immediate family decades ago.

            "Nice try, René," Lucius' hand was resting on her breast.  René's disgust was written all over her face, "Don't like this, do you?  I'm afraid there is more to come," Lucius gave René's boob a squeeze.

            "Fuck you," René said.

            "En contraire, I shall be doing that to you," Lucius smiled sweetly and kissed René.  René bit his lip, "Bitch!"

            "_ACCIO WAND!" René yelled as loud as she could and squeezed her eyes' shut, concentrating as hard as she could.  The wand smacked into her free hand.  René flicked the wand and the bindings fell off her, "Get out of my sight, you three," René snapped._

            "I don't think so.  _Imperio!" Lucius lazily cursed René.  He didn't realize that René had a little talent at stopping curses.  She held out her left hand and caught the curse before it hit her.  She calmly held the ball of magic floating above her hand._

            "I repeat, get out of my sight," Wormtail had already ran and MacNair was backing away.  Only Lucius held his ground.

            "So you want to play rough, don't you," he stalked closer to René.

            "It's just me and you now, bastard," René growled, smirking over his shoulder.  Lucius fell for her trick and turned around.  René calmly attempted to curse him, but her spells were blocked by a shield.

            "Nice try," Lucius turned back to René.

            "But I am right," René smirked then threw herself bodily on Lucius.  It wasn't expected.  Who would think that a five foot five witch would physically attack an over six foot tall man?  It was just the edge that René needed, though all she managed to do was to pull his hood back.  Lucius' blonde hair fell about his shoulders as he shoved her off of him.  René attempted a few more curses, but his shield was too strong for this kind of combat.  If she was sniping him, it would have been a different story.  But here René didn't have the same amount of time and she needed to keep cursing him in an attempt of slowing him down.  The match was a stalemate; neither could get in a shot at the other.  René ended it by throwing a loose brick at his head.  Lucius keeled over unconscious…

            The scene faded, and the three witches blinked in to bright light of Diagon Alley.

            "You were mugged by Lucius Malfoy, Waldin MacNair and Peter Pettigrew?" Minerva exclaimed.

            "That's their names?  I guess I was," René shrugged.

            "Peter Pettigrew?  He's dead!  Sirius Black killed him over a decade ago!" Cassi exclaimed.

            "Obviously not.  Wormtail is Pettigrew's nickname," Minerva said grimly.

            "Why didn't you tell the Ministry or the Aurors or something?" Cassi asked.

            "I did.  I haven't been compensated by my lost items or anything," René grumbled, "Bloody government.  I had an Invisibility Cloak in there!"

            Their conversation drifted away from René's mugging and off into more trivial subjects.  The three witches spent the rest of the day wandering around Diagon Alley.  Since Diagon Alley never closes, the witches were there until a little while past midnight.  René was the one to realize the time and the witches had a brief conversation consisting of 'what?' 'oh my god!' and other phrases.  They all hurried back to Hogwarts.

            Later that night, or morning, René was tossing and turning in her bed.  She couldn't sleep at all.  And she knew why.  And she also knew that she wouldn't get any sleep unless she confronted that problem.  Still, René tossed and turned in her bed until four in the morning.  It was then she finally screamed at the top of her lungs, stormed out of bed and wrapped a cloak over her pyjamas.  She then began to angrily stalk to Severus' rooms.  Half way through her ranting, she realized that starting an argument with Severus would _not help her sleep, so she managed to calm down.  It was then she realized that she was walking barefooted through the dungeons at four in the morning.  She shrugged and kept walking; Severus' rooms were closer to her position than hers were._

            "Severus?" René asked, knocking lightly on his door, "Er, I realize that it's very early in the morning and all, but are you awake or anything?" René muttered the password and pushed the door open, "Oh my God…"

            Severus was laying there in the middle of his floor in a pool of his own blood.  Fearing the worse, René ran over to his side and checked to see if he was breathing.  He was.

            "Oh God!  What am I supposed to do?  It's been _years_, hell, _decades_ since I took that CPR class," René put her hands in her mouth, "Poppy.  She'll know what to do," René glanced at Severus and realized that there was no way in hell that she was just going to leave him there, bleeding, "House Elves!" she exclaimed, "Uh, how do you summon one?" René frowned and tried to remember.  Beside her, Severus groaned.  René forgot about the house elves and turned back to Severus.  Severus opened his eyes and saw René bending over him, fear written across her face.

            "What are you?  René?" he asked weakly.

            "Severus!  What happened to you?" René asked.

            "Ran into some trouble in the Forbidden Forest, that's all.  I'll be fine," Severus tried to push himself up, but René held him down.

            "Bullshit.  You're a mess.  Look at this blood!" René exclaimed.

            "It's nothing," Severus protested.

            "Really?  And you expect me to believe that?  I'm not an idiot!" René looked at him sceptically.

            "What are you doing here?" Severus asked, trying to change the subject.

            "I came because I can't sleep and to apologise.  Well, I'm sorry for taking your wand and not giving it back Severus," René didn't meet his eyes.

            "It doesn't matter, René," Severus smiled weakly.

            "Yes it does!  Severus, what happened to you?" René asked again.

            "It's none of your business and it has nothing concerning you," Severus said firmly.

            "Fine.  But you still need medical help," René said just as firmly.

            "Fine.  Go get Poppy," Severus attempted to shrug.

            "I'm not leaving you, Severus," René said.

            "Then get a house elf," Severus said faintly.

            "I don't know how to summon one," René said.  Severus didn't respond; he'd fallen unconscious again, "Severus?  Severus!  Wake up!" René looked fearfully at her friend, "Uh, Albus!  He'll know what to do!" René rushed over to the fireplace and found a jar of Floo Powder.  She threw it into the flames then stuck her head in, yelling Albus' name.  Oddly, it was Minerva who answered her call.

            "René?  What are you doing?" Minerva asked.

            "I could ask you the same," René shot back, wondering why Minerva was in Albus' rooms at four in the morning.  Then again, she was in Severus' rooms at for in the morning as well…

            "I asked you first," Minerva protested.

            "Get Albus.  I don't want to explain more than once," René said.

            "I'm here.  Start explaining," Albus said.

            "I'm in Severus' rooms and currently Severus is lying in a puddle of his own blood.  Get Poppy someone!" René commanded.  Minerva and Albus looked at each other in fear.

            "I'll go get her," Minerva said, then hurried off.

            "Get your head out of the fire, René.  I'm coming down," Albus told René.  She obliged.

            "Alright," Albus said after he entered Severus' rooms via Floo, "Where's Severus?"

            "I'll give you one hint.  He's lying in a puddle of blood!" René said hysterically.  She then started breathing slower in an attempt to calm herself down.

            "He looks cold," Albus said, "Go get something to cover him with," René unwrapped the cloak from around her shoulders and gently covered Severus' with it.

            "I meant blankets from his bed room," Albus rolled his eyes.

            "It was too big anyway.  I kept tripping over it," René protested.

            "You wonder why?  It's Severus' cloak," Albus rolled his eyes as Poppy and Minerva burst in.  Poppy immediately went to Severus and began cleaning his wounds.

            "René, Minerva?  I advise you both to go back to bed," Albus said.  Both shook their heads.  Albus looked at them and Minerva submitted.  René glared stubbornly, "René," he said softly.  René glared for a few long seconds, then turned and stalked out of the room with Minerva running to catch up.

*~*~*~*~*

**A/N:  **Well, and I though that I was actually going to get to the start of term feast thingy this chapter.  Oh well…  Twelve chapters and I haven't even gotten to the school year.  How long is this fic going to be?

            _~ Mage Kitty =^.^=_


	13. Start of Term

**The Saskatchewan DADA Professor**

            _~ Mage Kitty_

**A/N:  **And the girl who never updates is back!  And has nothing else to say, at the moment…

**Shahanna****:  **Mih, go for the details!  It does help ^^  And I know what you mean about the beta reading thing…  Pyro has **_terrible_ grammar and guess who her beta is?  *rolls eyes***

**Romm****:  ***latches self onto Romm*  GIMME, GIMME, GIMME, GIMME, GIMME!  Please?  WANT, WANT, WANT, WANT!  Now, I'm don't want repeats so me go list off all the ones I've got.  *twitches*  Most of which I got from your bio, lol ^^  Alien Dice, Bob and George, MegaTokyo, the squidi.net one(s), VG Cats, Youthtopia, Zebra Girl, Bigger than Cheeses (which I've never read…  It's just in my fave. list, along with many others…), Ctrl+Alt+Del, IQ Prerequisite, Mac Hall, Sinfest, SmartAss Chronicles (another I haven't read…  I wonder what it's about…), Gone Astray, and 8-Bit Theatre.  BWHAHAHAHA!  Now GIVE, GIVE, GIVE!!

**Lei:  **I have a problem with typing in whole names…  What happened to Severus?  Well, he _is a spy, remember?  Of course he'll be fine!  It's humour/romance, not angst/romance…  lol.  Besides, I love Severus too much to kill him off!_

**RivanKnight****:  ** I like long fics.  So this isn't gonna be short, nope, not at all!  Unless of course I die, or just disappear off of FF.Net.  Nope, not gonna happen!  I love FF.Net too much.  And writing.  And this fic ^^  Yes, insomnia is great.  Considering that a huge percentage of my friends are insomniacs, or they just don't sleep.  Or they do nothing (guilty as charged) all day except for sitting in front of the comp…

**Beta Puella:  **Oh, I'm not worrying.  I like longness…  I don't know if you got my e-mail, so, sure, use the flashback spell ^^  Just credit me, okays?  Wheee!  Must go eat supper now…  Done eating supper…  And I'm pretty sure that you got my e-mail now ^^

**Disclaimer:  **I don't own Severus and the rest.  Except for the Remfairs.  They are mine.  BWAHAHAHA!

*~*~*~*~* Chapter 13:  Start of Term, Finally! *~*~*~*~*

            René didn't sleep for the rest of the night.  Neither did Minerva, Albus and Poppy.  At seven AM, René gave up trying to sleep and shuffled over to the Staff Room.  She was pretty shocked to see Severus sitting on a couch drinking coffee, looking nearly fine.  René could see the weariness, his pallor and the way he was sitting.  To most, that was just how he always is.  René knew that it wasn't normal, at least he wasn't like that all the times she has seen him.

            "Severus?" She asks cautiously.  Severus looks up and smiles weakly.  He pats the cushion besides him, "What's up?" Severus just looked at her, "Surely you've heard that before…  Never mind…"

             "What are you doing up so early?" Severus asked, his voice soft.

            "I could ask you the same.  Insomnia.  Three things will keep me awake; guilt, worry and hyperness," René shrugged and sat down beside Severus and he leaned on her slightly.

            "And what does guilt, worry, and hyperness have to do with your current situation?" Severus asked quietly.

            "Guilt because of the wand thing, sorry about that, worry because of the goddamn blood and hyperness had no part in this," René studied his face, worried.

            "It's alright…  I guess…  If it weren't for your insomnia…" Severus let the sentence hang.  René knew exactly what he was talking about and she shivered and shifted closer to him.  The two sat in companionable silence for awhile.  It was broken when the door opened and Albus tired walked in.  He smiled and waved at René and Severus, then collapsed on a couch.  Silence.  Fifteen minutes later, Minerva walked in, smiled and waved at René and Severus, then sat on the couch beside Albus.  The two began talking quietly to each other.

            René was warm, comfortable, and not worried at all.  Hell, Severus was sitting beside her; what was there to worry about.  Oh, nothing asides from the fact that the students were coming in a little over ten hours, but the thought didn't cross René's mind as she drifted to sleep, using Severus' shoulder as a pillow.

            Throughout the next hour, various staff members made their way down to the Staff Room.  Quite a few openly stared at the sleeping René and the drowsing Severus.  Cassiopeia Sinistra was one of the starers.  She blinked, then hurried over to Albus and Minerva.

            "What's with them?" she asked.  Albus and Minerva exchanged glances.

            "Better go wake René up.  It's eight forty five.  Ellen will be here soon enough," Albus said.  Cassi frowned at him, then walked over to poke her friend.

            "What?" René asked tiredly, "Wake me up in an hour," she snuggled closer to Severus.

            "René, it's nearly nine," Cassi poked her again.

            "Ungodly hour," René muttered.

            "Your mother will be here soon," Cassi poked her harder.

            "So?"

            "René!  Open your eyes for a moment!" Cassi groaned.  René complied.

            "So?  It'll make her happy.  Leave me alone!" René growled.

            "Snape, do you at least see the sense of this?" Cassi turned to her enemy.  His response was to snore loudly, which convinced Cassi that it was fake, "Don't say I didn't warn you," Cassi shrugged and sat down on a chair.

            Albus lazily waved a hand and a plate appeared on everyone's laps, creating problems for a few.  René slept on and Severus ignored his plate.  The rest of the staff ordered food for themselves.  Halfway through the meal, Ellen walked in, all sunshine and happiness, much to quite a few teacher's disgust.  When she saw her daughter and her friend, she clapped her hands in joy and began singing, horribly off key.  Many of the teachers cast charms to block that sound from their hearing.  René slept on.

            René woke up in time to eat lunch, which she did with great gusto, much to Severus' amusement.  After René was done stuffing her face, she wandered off to her rooms to get a book while Severus went off to his own to also get a book.  Severus made it back to the Staff Room first for obvious reasons; his wall portal.  He stretched out on 'their' couch and began to read the grey book.  René wandered back into the Staff Room and sat down on his legs.  Severus grunted, so René stood up so he could move his feet.  René sat back down and Severus put his feet on her lap.  René rolled her eyes and settled down to read her book.  A few hours later found them sitting back to back on the couch, still reading.

            The door banged open and a woman with short red hair strode in, holding her body in a way that demanded attention.  The fact that she was dressed in the barest minimum of clothing helped attracting attention.  Her gaze swept the room with disdain until she came upon Severus her eyes widened and a smirk was on her lips.  Until she came across René.  The woman shot an unnoticed look of disgust at René.  The woman then hurried over to Cassi.

            "Cassi darling, who's that man over there?" the red-head asked Cassi.

            "Don't you recognize him, Anzeldua?  That's Snape.  He was in your house and year," Cassi rolled her eyes.

            "Severus?  No, it can't be him," the red-head, Anzeldua, sniffed.

            "Whatever, believe me or not," Cassi shrugged.

            "Who's the woman?" Anzeldua asked.

            "René Remfair.  Her mother's the one talking to Albus and Minerva," Cassi said.

            "The mother's name?" Anzeldua asked.

            "Ellen.  Ellen Remfair.  She's the Divination's professor," Cassi said.

            "So this René is the Defence Against the Dark Arts professor?" Anzeldua asked.

            "Yes," Cassi turned and blocked Anzeldua out.

            Back at their couch, Severus sighed and put his book down.  René noticed and asked if he would like her to get the third book in that series.  Severus agreed, and René hopped up and set off to her rooms, brushing past Anzeldua and waved at Cassi.  Anzeldua watched her retreating back then turned on Severus.  She paused, then looked back at Cassi.

            "Are you sure that's Severus?" she asked.

            "YES!" Cassi snapped.

            "Whoa, okay, don't take it out on _me_," Anzeldua sniffed, then pranced over to Severus.  She sat down beside him, where René was occupying a minute ago.  She wrapped her arms around him and began to gush useless statements.  Severus froze and attempted to ignore her, or at least get free.  By the time René got back, Severus was slouched in his seat and trying very hard to block Anzeldua out.

            René looked quizzically at Severus, _what the hell is that slut doing with _my_ man.  Wait, did I just call Severus my man?  Okay, now I run and hide from my own thoughts…_

            Severus stared pleadingly at René, _why the hell is she just standing there staring at me.  Oh no, she can't.  Crap, she's blushing.  No, no, no, no!  HELP ME!_

            René walked over to Severus and flopped down on the couch where she was sitting before, "Hey Severus.  I got you that book you wanted!"

            "Watch where you're sitting!" Anzeldua's muffled voice said.

            René frowned, "What?  Did you say something Severus?  You'll have to speak up."

            By now, everyone in the Staff Room was watching this display with great interest.

            "Get off of me, you whore!" Anzeldua attempted to shove René off, with no avail.

            "What are _you_ doing in my spot?" René turned and faced Anzeldua.

            "I was here first," Anzeldua protested.

            "Yeah.  Sure.  I was sitting here a little while past seven AM, okay?  I win," René flicked her hair into Anzeldua's face, "Severus, could you move over some?"

            Severus moved over and René squished herself in between him and Anzeldua.  She was half sitting on Severus, though.  She had no urge to continue sitting on Anzeldua and she knew that it would annoy the woman to hell that she was practically on top of Severus and he didn't mind.  Heh heh heh…

            "By the way, I'm René Remfair," René said cheerfully.  When Anzeldua didn't say anything, René prompted, "And you are?"

            "Anzeldua Vector.  Arithmancy," she said coldly.

            "Ugh.  Math…  I'm Defence!" René chirped happily, then turned back to Severus, "Here!  Booky!" She held up the blue hardcover book.

            "Thanks," Severus took the book and began to read, ignoring the two girls.  René picked up her own book and joined Severus in book land.  Anzeldua glared at the two, then sat up, grabbed René by the arm and dragged her out into the hall.

            "What are you doing with Severus?" Anzeldua hisses.

            "Reading," René shrugged.

            "Leave him alone!  He's mine!" Anzeldua storms.

            "Sure he is.  Sure you own him," René rolled her eyes and attempted to get back into the Staff Room.

            "I challenge you to a duel!  The loser has to stay away from Severus!" Anzeldua stands tall.

            "That is the stupidest thing I've heard all week!  You've got to be shitting me!" René rolled her eyes.

            "Get your wand out, coward!" Anzeldua points her wand at René.

            "We're going to duel in the middle of the hall?" René asked disbelievingly.

            "You got any better ideas?" Anzeldua asked.

            "Okay Zelda, my idea is we just screw the duelling idea and just go our separate ways," René rolled her eyes.

            "In five seconds I'll start firing if you don't get your wand out!" Anzeldua waved her wand dangerously.

            "Okay, okay!  I'll duel you!  God, don't have a cow woman!" René pulled out her wand lazily, "And we're gonna do this proper.  Middle of hall now.  Seven steps and turn around and fire, got it?  Disarm your opponent."

            "Fine," Anzeldua said.

            "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.  _Ancile!" René said lazily.  A glowing green shield surrounded René and Anzeldua's spell deflected off of it and was sent back to the caster.  Anzeldua's wand flew out of her hand and René caught it deftly.  She waved her own wand and the shield evaporated, "I win."_

            "What?  No!" Anzeldua looked in horror at her wand in René's hand.  René walked back into the Staff Room, chucking the wand lazily over her shoulder.

*~*~*~*~*

            "RAVENCLAW!" The Sorting Hat bellowed and the last First Year scuttled towards his table.

            "Minerva, do you know where René is?" Cassi asked.

            "No idea.  She better get here soon," Minerva frowned as she sat down in her chair.

            "Well, this year's a -" Albus' speech was cut short by a door banging open and René sashayed into the Great Hall in sweats and a tight tank top.  She carried a stick over one shoulder.

            "What?" she asked, then glanced down at her watch, "SHIT!" She then shrugged and took a spot in between Cassi and Severus, "How late am I?"

            "You interrupted Albus' welcome speech," Severus rolled his eyes.

            "Whoopsies…  You can start now!" René called out cheerfully to Albus.

            "I'll cut to the chase.  The Forbidden Forest is forbidden."

            "Well duh, it's called the _Forbidden__ Forest," René muttered rather loudly.  Severus, Cassi, Minerva and Filius Flitwick snickered._

            "And there is a rather large list of rules and outlawed items.  If you really want to know them all, go see Mr. Filch.  And we have two new professors this year, Professor Remfair is you new Divination's professor," there Albus had to stop to wait for the titters to die down, "And your new Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor is Professor Remfair," the tittering grew louder.

            "Before you think it, _no_, me and the Div Prof are _not_ the same people.  Ellen Remfair is my mother.  I'm René Remfair and all ya minions are gonna call me Professor, Professor René, or just plain René.  You got that?  Good.  Professor Remfair makes me sound old.  That's my mother.  Not me.  Okay?" René yelled out.

            "Well, it looks like René cleared that problem up.  Do you have anything else to say?" Albus asked René.

            "Er, quick question," René lowered her voice and asked Albus, "Could I start a Duelling Club and a basic Defence Club?  I really believe that it would help.  The war and all…  I've got some ideas…"

            "Have fun with it.  You can do whatever your little heart desires," Albus smilled.

            "Goody!" René clapped her hands together then said loud enough for everyone to here, "I'm starting a Duelling Club.  No, it's not going to be a flop like Lockhart's.  Yes, I've heard of that.  The Duelling Club isn't important at the moment.  The Defence Club is.  It is mandatory for all Sixth and Seventh Years who are not taking NEWT Defence with me.  For anyone else, it's extra credit.  I'll go into more detail later.  Back to the Duelling Club.  Unfortunately, it's only open for certain Fourth Years and Fifth Year and above.  You'll be instructed in all the arts of Duelling, including swordplay.  The rules for Duelling I'm going to use are the same rules as the World Duelling League, also known as WDL.  Sign up sheets and the lot are going to come out sometime.  I'm not giving a date, because I can never follow dates or plans.  That is all.  No, wait.  You can all thank Professor Vector for the Duelling idea," René flashed a wicked grin at Anzeldua and she scowled at René.

            "Now that René is finished, let's eat!"

*~*~*~*~*

**A/N:  **Does that count as part of the term?  BWHAHAHA!  …

…

…

Tired…

            _~ Mage Kitty_


	14. Start of Term, I think

**The Sask DADA Prof**

**A/N:  **Weeeell, I am very mad at the weather.  I was _supposed_ to have a math final on Wednesday, but there was a 'Too Cold For The Buses To Run So School Is Cancelled Day'™ on Tuesday.  Of course, that coldness transfers over to Wednesday.  Thursday was a scheduled no school day.  Now today, Friday, is when the math final was supposed to be.  Guess what?  It's another bloody TCFTBTRSSIC Day™.  I'm am soooo mad.  I just wanna write that flippin' test and get it over with, for Frond's sake (don't ask about the Frond, its weird AF stuff…).  I'm done with my stupid rant at the moment, so I'll go on to the review thingers…

**Romm:  **Whoo!  Webcomic!  *runs off*  I agree, poor, poor Severus…  And it's only just begun, BWHAHAHHHAHAA!

**Derron Comes Ripping:  **Yes, Vector's a bitch, die die die!  BWHAHAHA!  And I actually sorta like math…  Weeeeeeeiiird…  It's my inner hate of math coming out to attack you all, BWHAHAHAHAHHA!  Yes, I am hyper, ish, at the moment.  *bounces*

**Shahanna:  **Vector is suddenly completely interesting in Severus because he has a slight change in appearance (Vector has _soooo _high standards, not…), she's slept with all the other guys at Hogwarts (well nearly…  I'll say more about that in later chapters *grin*), and there's just the plain fact that she doesn't like René.  Vector was in the same year and in the same house as Severus, so she's known him forever.  And now this chick pops up out of nowhere acting as if, well, can't think of a good word…  *pauses to think*  Well, I'm pretty sure you know what I mean.  So René's 'invading' in 'her' territory.  Ish.  That all probably just made you more confused, lol.

**RivanKnight:  **Thanks ^^

**Lei:  **No, few people actually do know that René is Rhiannon.  Vector has nooo idea who she is ^^  René isn't the world's best, far from it.  She's pretty good, but not that good.  *starts to laugh*  HA!  It did work!  *laughs hysterically*

**Gemini-Elf-2004:  ***laughs*  I don't mind!  I rarely get on FF.Net anyway ^^  So if I don't review, that's why ^^

**Disclaimer:  **I don't own.

*~*~*~*~* Chapter 14:  Wherein the Term Actually Starts (I hope) *~*~*~*~*

            Five people sat in a room.  One of them yawned.  One after another the others yawned.  The cycle repeated a few times before the dark haired man skipped his turn.  The room fell silent.

            "Damnit Severus!" The woman leaning against him said, "You broke the chain thing!"

            "Yay for me," Severus said dully then yawned, "Damnit."

            "Ha!" The woman, René, laughed as Cassi continued the cycle.  When it got back to Severus again, he refused to yawn, "DAMN YOU SEVERUS!"

            "Ha," Severus said boredly.  The room was then silent.  René was leaning half asleep on Severus' arm, Cassi was sitting in the chair closest to the fire, and Minerva was drowsing in Albus' arms.  Then Minerva's eyes opened and she sat up as straight as a board.

            "Fuck," She simply said.

            After a few moments of silence, Severus said, "Okay, I'll bite.  What?"

            Minerva groaned and buried her face in her hands, "I haven't finished the timetables yet…"

            "Well, school will be delayed a few days.  I hope you all enjoy your holiday!" René said happily, "I think everyone will like that!"

            "No!  I must go finish the timetables!" Minerva stood up in a supposedly valiant manner and rushed out of the room.  Cassi, René, Severus and Albus blinked and looked at each other in shock.

            "Damn, so much for my holiday idea," René said after a pause.

            "I better go follow her to keep herself from working into a coma," Albus groaned and stood up.

            "Again, you mean," Severus pointed out.

            "I'd ask for the story behind that, but I'm too tired.  I'd fall asleep halfway through," René said drowsily.

            "It's actually pretty funny…  I'll tell you it tomorrow," Cassi promised, "Right now, I want to sleep," Cassi also stood up.  She and Albus tiredly left the room.

            "I'd go to bed, but I'm too tired to move," René mumbled, "And warm…  And comf…"

            "René?" Severus asked.  He got no reply, "René?" He asked again, this time with a nudge.  Still no answer.  Severus sighed and wrapped an arm around her waist.  After fifteen minutes of just sitting there, Severus realized that René wasn't going to wake up and his best bet was to stumble down to his room and put her in bed.  Though not in that exact order.  Groaning, he stood up and lifted René into his arms.  He stumbled tiredly through a doorway and into René's bedroom.  He then had to pause and figure out how he was going to get her under the covers.  After several minutes of thought and effort, he managed to get René under the covers.  He then sat on the bed and leaned back against the head board, one hand unconsciously running through René's hair.

            An hour later he was lying beside René, fast asleep.

            Some time later, René woke up and watched Severus shiver beside her.  Feeling sorry for him, she leaned over and pulled the covers on top of him.  She smiled and snuggled up to Severus.

            And then she was tortured with a thought that didn't go away.  A half hour later, she was still lying there with that thought, unable to fall asleep again.

            "Fucking mind," she grumbled, then fell silent, listening.  A couple minutes later she decided that Severus was most indefinitely asleep.  Heart racing, she pushed herself up and looked into Severus face.  Slowly, nervously, she leaned down and pressed her lips to his.  Two seconds later she was lying trembling beside him, wondering what on Earth gave her the stupidity to do that.  Two minutes later, she was fast asleep.  It was then Severus turned his head to face her and opened his eyes.  He stared at her in amazement for a few minutes, then smiled and went back to sleep.

*~*~*~*~*

            "What in the world…?" René's shocked voice said later that morning.  She was standing in the doorway of her bedroom looking out into the living room.

            Severus appeared at her shoulder and also stared at the menagerie, "Whoa," was his only comment.

            Nearly every student's pets were crammed into René's living room.  There were owls, cats, toads, rats and a few implacable animals that were obviously smuggled into Hogwarts.  A grin broke across René's face and she waded into the sea of fur, feathers and scales.

            "Awwww.  Ain't they cute, Severus?" René cooed and crouched down to pet one of the cats.  Severus didn't reply; he just joined her and scratched another one of the cats under her chin.  Soon the duo was buried under a pound of pets, all begging to be petted.

            After awhile, the animals drifted out of René's room except for a few kittens who proceeded to destroy René's room with their antics.  Laughing, René and Severus wandered off for breakfast, completely covered in fur and feathers.

            "I wonder; how did they get into my room?" René asked.

            "I have no idea.  The animals here seem to be able to go wherever they want, whenever they want," Severus shrugged as they walked into the Great Hall.  
  


            The staff, and quite a few of the students, looked at their dishevelled appearance questioningly.

            "What?" René asked Minerva after a few minutes of being stared at.

            "What happened to you?" Minerva asked, her eyes flickering between Severus and René.

            "We were bombarded by a large group of pets on the way here," Severus explained, "They then proceeded to crawl over us."

            "You were attacked by a bunch of pets?" Minerva asked sceptically.

            "They were so kawai _(forgive my spelling if I didn't spell that right…  It's been ages since I've seen that word ^^;)_!" René grinned, "All fluffy and soft!"  
  


            "Kawai?" Minerva asked.

            René blinked, "I think it's Japanese for cute or something similar to that.  I've heard it in a bunch of forums and stuff."  
  


            "Forums?" Minerva asked again.

            "You know, message boards?  Chat?  IM?  Instant Messenger?  Any of those ring any bells?" René asked.

            "Not particularly," Minerva said.

            "Internet?  Microsoft?  Apple?  Linux?  Computers?" René asked.

            "The last one is somewhat familiar," Minerva said.

            "Familiar?  You are so deprived," René sighed, "Go out and buy yourself a PC," she paused, then added, "Macs suck."

            "Yah right!" a passing student exclaimed, "Microsoft is so crap, Apple is so much better!"

            "What are you, crazy?  Microsoft is ruling the market.  Nothing beats Microsoft.  Especially if it's a Pentium Four!" René said indignantly.

            The student snorted, "Bill Gates sucks."

            René waved a hand dismissively, "All Macs are good for are making videos.  Other than that, they are sooo fucked it isn't even funny."

            "Whatever mate," the student said then backed away.

            "…I am so lost," Minerva muttered.  Severus nodded in agreement.

            "Relax; it's Muggle stuff.  Beyond your level of comprehension," René sat down beside Cassi, who was pretty much sleeping in her bowl of Cheerios.

            Severus and Minerva glanced at each other and glared at René, "Insufferable Canadian," they both muttered.

*~*~*~*~*

            "We need only two more people, then we can start the meeting," Albus announced.  Almost immediately after there was a knock on the door.  Minerva gracefully stood up and let the person in.

            "This is the staff room, right?" the young woman asked.

            "Yes it is.  Have a seat," Minerva gestured to the only seat left.

            "Thanks," the woman said then walked into the room only to trip on one of the coffee tables, "Bloody hell," she zigzagged through the room and sat on the couch beside René.

            "Hi, I'm René Remfair," René said cheerfully and held out her hand to the woman.

            "Nymphadora Tonks, and please call me Tonks," Tonks shook her hand cheerfully.

            "What are you teaching?" René asked curiously.

            "I'm a teacher's aid thinger.  Hired on at the last minute," Tonks smiled.

            "Cool!  I was complaining that we need one awhile ago," René grinned cheerfully.  Tonks shot a curious look at Severus, who averted his eyes.  René opened her mouth to ask about the glance, but was interrupted by the door banging open, "Well then, that's my cue," René smirked evilly and stood up.

            Anzeldua Vector surveyed the room with a superior glint in her eyes.  They settled on René and watched cautiously as René oddly slid her way over to her.  Vector sniffed.  The pants René were wearing were a fashion disaster.  How much longer could pants get?  Vector was surprised that René wasn't tripping over them.

            "Zelda!" René gave Vector a big hug, "Nice to see you again.  How are you?"

            "Let go of me you freak," Vector tore herself out of René's grip.  It was then she spied the open spot between Severus and Tonks, "Excuse me," she said icily and headed off towards that spot.

            "Sorry gal, there are no spots left.  Looks like you're going to have to sit on the cold, hard floor!" René said cheerfully.

            "There's a spot there," Vector stated the obvious.

            "Ah, but it's mine," René pointed out.

            "You're standing here, it's mine now," Vector strode quickly towards the spot, only to be knocked over when René flew by, "What the?" she asked as René twisted around and fell into the couch, sliding into Severus.

            "Rollerblades.  I borrowed my brother's wives'.  Haven't you ever heard of them?  She doesn't use them, and I figured that it would be fun to blade around Hogwarts," René lifted up her pant legs to show the wheels, "Brilliant invention."

            "Cool!" Tonks said, "Could I borrow them some time?"

            "Sure," René said cheerfully and moved over towards Tonks, giving Severus room to breathe.  Vector glared at René and the grinning staff members and sulked off to lean against a wall.

            "You planned that, didn't you," Severus asked René.

            "Of course I did; it was terrible fun," René grinned.  Severus rolled his eyes.

            "Alright, now that we're all here I would first like to introduce the new additions to the staff.  René most of you already know, as well as her mother," the staff rolled their eyes.  The Remfair duo were too eccentric to not know, "Some of you will remember Tonks from her days as a student here," Albus nodded towards Tonks, who waved, "She' will be the teacher's aid, something we haven't had before.  Unfortunately, Minerva is still working on the timetables," Minerva glared at Albus from behind a mound of paper, "So we do not have those ready."

            "About how many classes will I teach a day?  No, wait…  Let's make this easier.  How many preps do I get?" René asked.

            "Probably none, Defence is a required course," Minerva said.

            "You're mad!" René exclaimed, "If it's required like that, you sorta have more than one teacher!"

            "We've always done it like this," Minerva pointed out.

            "Bloody hell, I went to a Muggle school until I graduated from Grade Eight.  Even they had more than one math, English, etcetera teacher.  And it was a smaller school than this!  Wait a minute…  How big are the classes?" René asked.

            "Anywhere between thirty and forty for the regular years.  The NEWT class will vary," Minerva said.

            "Mad, bloody mad…  Hell, I'm mad.  I'm beginning to use British lingo," René groaned, "Hell this will be interesting when I see my Canadian friends again.  'Was England interesting René?'  'Why yes it was.  I was a bloody Defence teacher, taught an ungodly amount of teenagers and had no bloody preps.'  'What's up with all the bloodies?  And the accent?'  'Bloody hell, now I sound like a fucking Brit.'" René had a conversation with herself, mimicking a British accent fairly well to represent herself.  The staff stared at her while Tonks giggled to herself and Severus hid a smile.  They had both found it pretty funny, "Albus, what do you do all day?"

            "Nothing!" Albus said cheerfully.

            "…I want your job.  Wanna trade?" René asked.

            "No, I get paid more even when you aren't on minimum wage," Albus said.

            "Don't remind me," René, Cassi, Severus and Minerva muttered.

            "I know what'll make you happy!  I'll teach one year of Defence, Transfigurations, Potions, Charms and Herbology," Albus supplied, happy that someone gave him an excuse for something to do all that time he spends staring at the ceiling.  Oh, he spreads around rumours that he's a busy man, but all he really does is attempt to tell Fudge what to do, order around the Order and a few other political things.

            "Great, you can have my third year," René said cheerfully.

            "I'm writing you down as having my fourth years," Minerva said.

            "You can have those blundering fools that I had last year as firsties," was Severus' comment.

            "Sev, you call all of your students except for a few select individuals blundering fools," Albus pointed out.

            "Don't call me Sev," was all Severus said.

            "You can have my first years," Sprout said.

            "Take my third years," Filius Flitwick squeaked happily.

            "Obviously I'm not the only one who found the teaching schedule screwed," René said, "I'm just the only one who said it!"

            "Alright, there's nothing new this year except for the fact that we are not doing the Hogsmeade trips.  Voldemort's return and all that," Albus watched gleefully as all his staff shivered, even René slightly, "And then there was René announcement thing.  I suppose she'll tell us more when she knows more."

            "Well duh.  Severus, you're helping," René said.

            "What?  Do I get a say in this?" Severus asked, already know the answer.

            "No," René said as Tonks laughed quietly beside her.

            "Fine then.  You have to go get me potion's ingredients from the Forbidden Forest then," Severus shrugged.

            "Dude, I can't tell the difference between a marigold and a lily.  I failed Herbology for a reason, you know.  And Potions.  And I barely passed Charms and Transfig.  The only thing I'm good at is Defence.  And skyboarding.  But that's from years of practice.  Okay, more than half my life," René rambled.  Severus rolled his eyes.

            "Since this meeting is going nowhere, you may all go off to do your own thing now," Albus said and the majority of the staff shuffled out of the room.

            "Come on René.  It's time for you to uphold your end of the bargain," Severus grabbed her upper arm and dragged her off to the Forbidden Forest.

            "But I said that I can't tell the difference between-"

            "Shut up."

*~*~*~*~*

**A/N:  **And I finally update, whoo me!  I was stuck on one sentence for nearly a month.  Can you guess which one?  Then I wrote this all in an hour ^^;  I suck, I know.

            _~ Mage Kitty =^.^=_


End file.
